Cauchemar
by koaladeb
Summary: Chapter 9 is really fixed this time, I swear {CSI Miami} Calleigh reevaluates her relationship with Horatio as they begin working on a mysterious new case
1. Chapter 1: Goodbye to Y

Cauchemar Part 1: Goodbye to Y By koaladeb Disclaimer: I obviously don't own these characters, because if we did, I would be able to give script approval to the H/C shippers. As it is, I can only borrow them. Rating: PG 13 Pairing: What do you think I am? Blind to the chemistry? If so, you have me confused with TPTB. H/C, references to H/Y Spoilers: What limited information I have on season 2 AN: This is my first fanfic, so be gentle with me please! Thank you to everyone who has supported me with this and especially to TaCe for being a sounding board and beta reader and to Marianne who encouraged me to take my fic to new places!  
  
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Calleigh walked into CSI early on Friday, hoping to catch a minute alone with Horatio. As she walked towards the staircase leading to his office, she thought about the last couple of months and realized that she hadn't had a real, non-work related conversation with him since.since before he had started dating Yelina. It had been two months now since they had started growing closer. Horatio seemed to be spending all his free moments with, talking to, or talking about her. Officially, they were "trying to make a go" of this new development in their lives, and Calleigh felt Horatio's absence like a missing piece of her soul. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard his wry chuckle in her ear or felt his eyes resting on her figure. She felt alone for the first time since she had moved to Miami.  
  
Halfway up the stairs, she glanced to see if Horatio's door was open and stopped short. She could see Yelina's hair, hear her laugh, and Calleigh quickly considered her options, leaning against the handrail for support. She needed to talk to Horatio about Valera, the new DNA girl at CSI. Her work was accurate, but not detailed, and Calleigh couldn't put aside the feeling that she was hiding something. But the real reason was that she missed Horatio's company and she was hoping that a work conversation, coupled with a couple of light work days, might lead to a more relaxed environment and real conversation. Shoulders slumping, Calleigh allowed a soft sigh to escape her lips as she turned back around and headed for the lab. She managed a small smile but couldn't hide the sadness in her eyes. She was tired of feeling abandoned. She was tired of feeling like she was an expendable piece of Horatio's life. She was tired of searching his intense blue eyes for something.hell, anything other than polite professionalism.  
  
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Inside his office, Horatio didn't see Calleigh's approach and retreat. He was keeping all his attention focused on the words coming out of Yelina's mouth, and fighting the incredulous grin that was threatening to cross his face. Here they were, two mature adults who each had charm, confidence, and allure, and they couldn't seem to fall in love with each other.  
  
"I can't believe we've both been feeling this way," Yelina was saying.  
  
They had not intended to discuss their relationship that morning. In fact, when they started dating, they had set ground rules that would prevent their new romance from interfering at work. Today, however, Yelina had stopped by to see if Horatio was free for dinner and a discussion that evening. The glimmer of hesitation she saw in his eyes was enough for her to open up, hinting that she was not going to ask for an advance in their relationship, but a reevaluation. It had prompted more subtle hints, feelers and, finally, a no-holds-barred discussion of their feelings. Or in this, case the lack thereof. After two months of trying to move their relationship forward, of intentionally scheduling time together, of dinners and romantic evenings out, of "family outings" that were aimed at bringing Horatio and Ray, Jr. closer together, they were forced to admit that something important was missing. They loved each other, definitely, and their connection as family was quite comfortable. But for all the safety Yelina felt when she was around Horatio, and for all the new, softer feelings that being included in Yelina's family had prompted in Horatio, they couldn't bring themselves to respond to each other like lovers would. There was no feeling of unspoken passion, no moments when their souls connected, no sparks to speak of. For all their effort, they just didn't have what it took to make a romance work.  
  
"We should have had this conversation a month ago," said Horatio, allowing a short, bittersweet chuckle to escape from him. "It would have saved us both a lot of time, effort, and stress."  
  
"Hey, at least we never got a chance to take that weekend away," Yelina said with a smile, truly happy for the first time that she and Horatio had never been intimate. "Imagine how awkward it would have made this conversation if we had."  
  
They looked at each other and burst out laughing. Horatio glanced to the side, his soft laugh reflecting his feelings of irony, amusement, and maybe a little bitterness. At the time it had begun, he thought that a relationship with Yelina would be the answer for both of them. They certainly had chemistry, history, and an interest in keeping the family together. Who would have thought that, by the end of it, he would discover that he and Yelina were indeed perfect for each other-as friends.  
  
Yelina's laugh, on the other hand, was a release. She had been so worried about hurting Horatio, worried that he would see her desire to redirect their relationship as a way to cut their ties completely. This was better. They could continue to be friends, family, and she was relieved that she could tell Ray Jr. that "Uncle H" wasn't going anywhere and preventing any hurt feelings that redefining his role in their lives might prompt.  
  
"So," Horatio said, "Family?"  
  
"Always," replied Yelina. "And from now on, no more kissing cousins, ok?"  
  
Horatio's response was a nod and small smile. Yelina picked up her bag to leave. Reaching the door, she turned around and commented, "You do realize that as family your attendance will still be required at game night, right? Every Monday, same as before."  
  
"Wouldn't miss it," Horatio responded. "Someone's got to keep you honest at Scrabble."  
  
With a final laugh and wave, Yelina left. When the door closed, Horatio leaned back in his chair with a relieved sigh. And for the first time, he realized how tired he was emotionally. He had been trying so hard these past two months, believing that he could somehow convince himself that a romantic relationship with Yelina might work. He suddenly realized, love shouldn't be that hard, not if it was meant to be. It was impossible to make yourself love another person. It was either there or it wasn't, and it wasn't there with Yelina. When his marriage had ended, his ex had accused him of not putting enough effort into their marriage, and Horatio had overcompensated with Yelina as a result, thinking effort would make the difference. And in focusing his attention on her, Horatio had been neglecting the other parts of his life. He had shut out those around him while he directed all his energy into this thing with Yelina. He felt a pang of guilt and wondered what he should do to fix that.  
  
Horatio glanced over at the calendar and the piles of reports on his desk. It was too late this week to make a new start with his team, but come Monday they would see a return of the old Horatio, the one who was interested and involved in the lives of his coworkers and friends. The Horatio that paid more attention to what was going on in the lives of those he cared about. 


	2. Chapter 2: The process of forgetting

Cauchemar Part 2: The process of forgetting By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
When Calleigh walked in the door of her apartment at 7:00 that night, she fell onto the couch, exhausted. She didn't need to ask herself why she was so tired, even though work had been relatively light this week, even though she hadn't needed to say in the office past 6:30 any night, she had been getting plenty of sleep, and had been eating regular meals. "Horatio," she sighed, speaking his name out loud. She had spent yet another week trying not to think of him, trying not to notice him when he came to the lab, trying to repress all the emotions that had come to the surface when she had seen Yelina in his office that morning and all the other mornings when she had hoped for a moment of time that carried with it some of the contact they used to share.  
  
Sitting up on the couch, Calleigh decided that she was sick of stuffing down her feelings every day. It was too much, dealing with work and with repressing the tidal wave of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her every time she thought of Horatio. She was tired of holding herself in check, being careful not to seek him out with her eyes too often or smiling whenever he entered a room. Lately, she had avoided meeting his eyes, afraid that the unadulterated scrutiny of his gaze would pick up on the longing in hers as she desperately searched his visage for any sign that he shared her sense of awe, of recognition, that there was something to them that went beyond colleagues or friends. She had hoped for so long that their camaraderie and mutual respect would lead to something more, and for a time she thought that it was. Calleigh remembered with a slight shiver the way that his eyes had raked over her after they had caught the sniper. The smoky quality of his voice when he had disagreed with her assessment of how she looked in black. "I beg to differ." Even now, she felt the cadence of her heart quicken remembering the conviction in his comment, the approval in his voice, the primal gleam in his eyes as he raked them over her Kevlar-covered body. Calleigh shook herself both mentally and physically. This had to stop. Horatio had made it clear that he was determined to make this thing with Yelina work. And heaven help anyone who stood in the way of something Horatio wanted. Her chance with Horatio had ended the minute he had set his sights on Yelina and shut out everyone else. She had lost him, and she couldn't deny that fact anymore. As she admitted it to herself, Calleigh couldn't stop the tears that began to fall. She curled into a ball on the couch and allowed herself to fully feel the current of pain that ripped through her body as she admitted that there was no hope left.  
  
A while later, Calleigh rubbed at the tear stains on her cheeks and headed for the kitchen. It was time to come to terms with herself and make some decisions about how she was going to face this. It was time to deal. She reached into the freezer for some ice cream and coffee grounds. It was going to be a long night. She didn't mind, they always helped, these forays into self-examination. Any time she began working though a problem, Calleigh would take a day, a weekend, however long she needed to work through her thoughts, feelings, and decide on how to proceed. And she had experience working through problems and pain. She went over her mental list of past self-intervention topics. Racism (Dad) Alcoholism (Mom and Dad) Murder (Hank Kerner)  
  
Each of these problems had been dealt with, slowly, painstakingly, so that Calleigh could first recognize and come to terms with every last bit of pain they had caused, every impact they had on her life, before she could decide what to do. In the case of her father's racism, Calleigh had decided not to accept his prejudices and to work against the double standard he had embraced. On the topic of her parents' alcoholism, Calleigh had initiated a no-holds-barred truth policy with herself so that she would never dismiss or downplay how much power they had to hurt her; she was still working on not allowing herself to be sucked completely into their world and not letting their problems interfere with the love she had for them. It was still hard, though, to admit that she couldn't stop either of them from drinking, that fact driven home every time she had to go to a bar and rescue her father from bout after bout of excess.  
  
This problem, however, had an entirely different feel to it. Normally, she had been hurt by something going on outside of herself. She had no control over her father's opinions, no control over Kerner's actions. She was used to figuring out how others' problems affected her and building defenses that kept her heart safe from those who had the ability or inclination to cause her pain. This time, though, Calleigh was the source of her own misery. While the impetus of her pain was Horatio's relationship with Yelina, the basis of it was wrapped up in her emotions, not in Horatio's actions. Well, the first step in the self evaluation process was always acknowledging the truth behind the pain. With a sad smile at how clichéd it sounded, Calleigh gave her problem a name: unrequited love. Her growing feelings of affection, desire and, yes, love toward Horatio were not reciprocated, and that truth cut through her like a knife. She had held out hope for the last two months that he would change his mind, but from what she could tell, things with Yelina weren't going to end any time soon. And even if they did end, the fact that Horatio had pursued a relationship with someone else pretty much cemented the fact that he was not interested in anything with herself. Calleigh needed to figure out exactly what was going on inside of her and she had to get past it before it wiped her out completely. Good thing she had all weekend. By Monday, she wouldn't be completely at peace or happy, but hopefully she would be ready to take her life in a new direction.  
  
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Horatio's weekend was spent with his family and in contemplation. On Saturday, he took Ray Jr. (or Ray J as he had begun calling him) out to watch a baseball game and enjoyed sitting in the stands, watching everyone around him enjoying the sunny day. He felt himself relax a little, even joking with Ray J about hot dogs. The rest of the weekend he reorganized some of the files in his home office, went walking along the beaches, and spent some time thinking about his life. He was happy with the new comfort he felt around Yelina and Ray J, since he wasn't trying to force feelings that weren't there. He was looking forward to settling into his role of "Uncle H" and was pleased that he once again felt like an important part of a family. As Sunday came to a close, he thought over his weekend with satisfaction and contentment. He had been right: he should have talked to Yelina before now, but things were going to be better than ever now that they had actually had their conversation. All he needed to do now was reconnect with his team and life would be great. "I wonder what Calleigh's been up to lately" was the last thought that floated through his mind as Horatio fell asleep.  
  
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Calleigh's weekend was not so peaceful. The Friday night truth session she had set up for herself involved a great deal of pain and tears, but by the time she went to bed in the early hours of Saturday morning, she had laid it all out with herself, consuming an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie in the process. She slept late into the afternoon, allowing herself time to wallow before forcing herself out of bed and into action. She began a thorough cleaning of her apartment, picking up everything off her shelves and dusting each item before deciding on a new place for everything. This was stage two of the official "Calleigh goes through a life-evaluation" process. Something needed to change in her personal life; therefore, physical alterations were needed to complement the changes. Pictures and books were placed in their new orders, carpets were cleaned, and laundry was done. The physical labor freed up Calleigh's mind to think of other things. She had come to terms with the fact her feelings were not going to be returned and she needed to let go of what would never be. Now she needed to decide on a course of action. Leaving was out of the question: it would only be running away from the problem and she enjoyed working and living in Miami too much to leave. She could confront Horatio about how she felt, but it would be unwelcome, painful, and would damage their friendship too much. There needed to be some increased emotional distance between the two of them, but Calleigh figured she wouldn't need to try too hard to achieve that: Horatio had done a wonderful job of pulling away from everyone else at CSI that she would only need to accept and maintain the new status quo. By the time Calleigh began thinning out her kitchen cabinets of all the food she didn't need or want, she had come to the conclusion that she would be best served by an intentional effort to stand on her own feet and not to rely on Horatio's friendship for emotional support. Talking with Horatio about cases, colleagues, and even the occasional foray into their personal lives had become an excuse to spend time in his company. She sought him out again and again, reveling in his insight, his sense of style and humor,  
  
That was going to have to stop. She would not seek him out for any reason other than to work on a case, making sure that their conversations were based on topics that went no farther than work or basic friendship. She would have to learn to ignore the light that appeared in his eyes when met with a challenge, stamp down her desire to inquire about his well-being when. "Stop this," Calleigh muttered. "It's not your place anymore. It never was."  
  
Clearing her head, Calleigh looked over her work. She had separated out the food items that had been in the cabinets for. lord knows how long.that had not been used and would not be appetizing in the near future. She would drop them off at the local food pantry tomorrow. Her apartment was clean, tidy, and ready for the new and hopefully improved Calleigh Duquesne to take up residence. Time for step three: bubble bath.  
  
By the end of her long soak, Calleigh did feel a little better. She was disappointed that she didn't even get a chance to find out how things could have gone with Horatio, but she would move on and be stronger for it. She didn't need him to make her life complete, right? After all, hadn't she decided to explore her independence when she first moved to Miami? She had felt freed from taking care of her parents, freed from the claims of familiarity and the demands of those people she had known all her life. Calleigh had let go of her past, of the pain and sacrifices in it, and claimed a new future for herself when she moved, going as far as getting a tattoo to physically remind her of the shift. She had allowed herself to be drawn in by Horatio's giving nature, allowed herself to feel protected and cared for, she had stopped relying solely on herself and had begun to rely on him. Well, that would have to stop. Independence would be reclaimed. She shook off the nagging thought that she had found peace and comfort leaning on Horatio, had enjoyed knowing that she didn't always have to stand alone. It was of no consequence now. She was alone. Calleigh glanced in the mirror. She looked a little tired, but determined. She was moving into this new part of her life and things would be fine. Now all she needed was to put her plan into action and move on to the final step. Something about her appearance needed to change to dive home the redirection of her life. Her apartment reflected the change of attitude she had achieved that weekend, but her person didn't. She thought for a while, continuing to study her reflection. Her hair. That's what she would change. It would take a few days, maybe even a week before she found something suitable that she could be happy with, but a new hairstyle was definitely in order. She could shed the weight of her disappointment along with the locks of hair. The more she thought about it, the more confident she felt. Calleigh went to bed, setting her alarm clock early to give her enough time to stop at the food pantry and pick up some magazines in the morning before getting to work and facing day one of a life that didn't have Horatio at its center. Calleigh's sighed and turned out the light. It would all begin tomorrow. 


	3. Chapter 3: False starts

Cauchemar 3: False Starts By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
Monday morning, Calleigh woke up rested and determined. She was taking control of her life and moving in a direction that would bring her happiness. She got ready for work, choosing to pull her hair back in a ponytail, out of the way until she could figure out what to do with it. She took the packaged food over to a Crisis center near CSI and left smiling, feeling good about herself, and went into work with her head held high. Her good morning got even better when she entered the break room to discover someone had brought doughnuts to work for everyone. There was a note that said "Enjoy, H." Hmmm.he must have had a good weekend if he was in a good enough mood to buy everyone doughnuts, Calleigh thought. I wonder what.she stopped, reminding herself that it was none of her business and none of her concern. She picked out her favorite in the box, grabbed a cup of coffee and took a few minutes to sample both. As she walked out, Speed and Delko were coming in, laughing and comparing notes on the weekend, and they greeted Calleigh with smiles, which she gladly returned. "Hey there!" Speed said, "Looks like you had a restful weekend." "Yeah," added Eric, "Good to see you're back to normal. You were looking pretty worn down there the past couple weeks, all gray and stuff." "Jeez," Calleigh said dryly, "Way to be flattering. Good thing I'm not the type of girl who needs a lot of compliments. Tell me, Eric, does this outfit make me look fat?" "Whatever," he groused with a smile, "Just glad to see you're smiling again."  
  
Calleigh grinned and walked out, going to the lab to check over Valera's reports from the weekend. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were better than previous weeks, more thorough and well-supported. Calleigh thought for a moment. Maybe she had been a little too hard on the new CSI. She certainly had showed up at a time when Calleigh wasn't feeling the most welcoming, and maybe her work had provided an excuse to talk to Horatio when Calleigh had begun feeling cast aside. She would make sure to say something positive about Valera's work and get to know the young woman better. New day, new friend, and.oops, she had left her magazines in the break room. If the guys found them she'd never hear the end of it. Bullet Girl reading glamour magazines? She couldn't buy them better ammunition. Calleigh grimaced, grabbed her coffee and headed back upstairs.  
  
Sure enough, Calleigh heard laughter as she entered the break room. Eric and Speed were holding one of the magazines she had purchased, pointing at the models and joking around. "Give that back," Calleigh demanded with a note of resignation.  
  
"Not just yet," Speed replied, "First I want to know why you earmarked these pages." He turned the magazine around and Calleigh saw the picture he was referring to. The model was in an unidentifiable position, holding up some new computer gadget and looking quite ridiculous. Calleigh had marked the page because of the model's hair, which was a shorter, curlier version of her own current style.  
  
Calleigh sighed, sure that their contrived explanations were more damaging than the truth at this point. "It's really none of your business, but if you must know, I've decided to change my hair and was looking for ideas," she stated. Both men froze, disbelief written clearly across their faces. Calleigh reached out and grabbed the magazine from Speed's hands before he could drop it and picked up the one on the table as well. "So dump whatever strange explanation you came up with and get to work." They didn't move, frozen while they tried to process the information. Calleigh walked over to top off her coffee, amused at the shock still present on her coworker's faces. "And close your mouths. You look like fish."  
  
Suddenly, Calleigh heard a voice that she wasn't prepared for break into the conversation. "You heard the lady, jaws off the floor." It was Horatio, of course. And he sounded rested and happy. He must have had quite the weekend with Yelina, Calleigh thought bitterly before steadying her nerves and turning around. Horatio was still looking at Eric and Tim, who were trying to speak and making broad gestures with their hands. Calleigh took a second to examine Horatio's face and thought to herself that the amused grin went well with the relaxed set of his body. He was wearing a dark blue shirt and it set off the friendly spark in his eyes as he turned his gaze toward Calleigh. His grin became an outright smile. "What did you say that turned these two into mimes?"  
  
Calleigh couldn't stop her response to Horatio's smile. The corners of her mouth turned in mischief up as she waited to see what would happen next. She had never guessed that Eric and Speed would have such strong reactions to her announcement. It made her wonder what Horatio's reaction would be to the news. "I was just telling them that I'm changing my hair, maybe cutting it, perming it, or at least doing something different. I don't see why it's such a big deal."  
  
While Horatio's reaction was more controlled, Calleigh was surprised at the carnival of emotions that went through his eyes in a moment's time. There was a glimmer of surprise, replaced quickly by curiosity and then the briefest hint of disappointment, all of which were supplanted a moment later with by a thoughtful, evaluating stare. It was as though he were trying to read her very soul. Calleigh felt her smile disappear. She recognized the look-she had seen it often enough when it was turned on a suspect, evaluating every word said and every thought that remained unspoken. Well, she was not some puzzle for him to solve. This was one book that was going to remain closed, even to the great Horatio Caine. Horatio leaned back a little on his feet, his hands coming up to rest on his waist, his eyes taking in Calleigh's guarded look. "I must say, I can see why they'd be struck speechless," he commented slowly, "It would be quite a change. May I ask what prompted this sudden desire to change your hair?" He waited for an answer, as did Eric and Speed, who had turned curious looks in Calleigh's direction.  
  
Calleigh was careful not to let her emotions show as she considered her reply. She needed to keep things light and not let him see that his perception had unnerved her. Calling on her mental faculties and Southern charm, Calleigh gave all three men an enigmatic look and answered simply, "A woman's prerogative. It's time for a change."  
  
Eric and Speed shook their heads and walked out the door, making comments about women's fickleness and their obsession with hair, but Horatio stood quietly, weighing Calleigh's response against his knowledge of the woman in front of him, his only outward response being the slight lifting of one of his eyebrows. He knew there was something more that she wasn't saying. Knew that her flippant remarks had been covering up a deeper motive. She would never change her hair on a whim. There was always a reason behind everything that Calleigh did, especially when it regarded her physical person. There was a cause somewhere, and Horatio was looking for it, searching her face for a better answer.  
  
Calleigh tore her eyes away from Horatio's penetrating stare, decided that it was time to make a graceful exit. She moved to follow the guys out the door but was stopped by his hand resting on her arm before she could make her escape. Calleigh suddenly felt surrounded by Horatio's presence, his cologne making her mind fuzzy even as a bolt of awareness surged through her being at the feel of his hand on her arm. His voice added to the assault on her senses-she could feel the vibrations of the sound waves on the back of her neck even as her brain took in the words. "There's more to this then you're letting on. What aren't you telling me?" Horatio asked. Calleigh spun around and looked at Horatio, who met her unnerved stare with calm conviction and a hint of challenge. His eyes bored into hers, demanding a complete answer. Calleigh forced herself to give away nothing, shaking her head slightly and meeting his stare with silence. A slight frown crossed his lips as he realized that she wouldn't respond. He released her arm, moving his hand to touch a strand of her hair that had come loose from her ponytail holder. "What a shame," he said, so quietly that Calleigh would have doubted he said anything at all except for the fact that she had seen his lips move.  
  
Horatio dropped his hand and turned around, heading for the coffee maker. Calleigh considered making a comment, changing the subject, anything to maintain contact that he had initiated. She stopped herself as her mouth opened, though. Nothing could be said after shutting him out as she had. Distance she thought to herself. If he's decided to close the gap between up again, it will have to be me that makes sure it stays in place. It's for the best. She turned around and quietly left the room.  
  
Horatio poured his coffee, expecting Calleigh to make a response. She would demand an explanation of his comment, they would talk, and she would open up about what was going on. When the silence continued, he turned back around. He was surprised to see that Calleigh had disappeared completely. He frowned, a little disappointed that their conversation had ended so quickly. It was not like her to shut him out, or to just leave like that. Then again, he had done the same thing more times that he could count in the last couple of months. He sighed, realizing how much damage he had done with his preoccupied attitude. He shouldn't have expected everything to revert back to normal just because he was back to his old self again. Maybe the whole conversation had been ill-advised. He had been walking by when he overheard Calleigh talking to Delko and Speed and, on an impulse, jumped at the opportunity to do some bridge-mending with his staff. Make a couple jokes, allow his interest and curiosity to show, and make forward progress in his quest to reestablish his relationships with everyone. He should have known that it would take more than some doughnuts and a single conversation to get things back to normal, not that their conversation had been normal. There was something more going on with Calleigh than a "woman's prerogative." What had she meant by "It's time for a change?" Part of him couldn't believe he had pushed her on the subject after she had made it clear the subject was not open for discussion, but he had felt something almost like betrayal when she had refused to share with him the real reason behind her sudden need for a change.  
  
You handled that badly, he reprimanded himself, shaking his head. He had no right to voice his opinion on what Calleigh should do with her hair, let alone question her motives. His actions had been inappropriate. He had acted like.well, it wasn't a boss, coworker, or friend. But he hadn't been able to stop the comment from escaping his lips, hadn't been able to fight his desire to be included in this kind of personal decision, hadn't been able to resist the need to touch her hair. I thought it would be soft, he thought, but I had no idea it would be so.so.he didn't have words for it. He admitted to himself that he had wondered what it would feel like to run his fingers thorough the silky strands, and this time, he jumped at his chance before it was gone forever. What a dumb thing to do. He refocused his thoughts on Calleigh's strange silence in the face of his request, no, demand, for more information. Was there something going on with her that he didn't know about? What could Calleigh possibly want to change in her life that would prompt her to cut her hair? He thought back to a conversation they had shared when Calleigh had first come to Miami. They were working on a case in the middle of August, on a day that was particularly humid and the temperature was in the high 90s. He marveled at how comfortable she looked with her hair loose, cascading down her back like it was an extension of the ray of summer sunlight that was lighting her up like a vision. He remembered thinking to himself that even though it was the most stunning sight he had ever seen, the weight of it must be uncomfortable. A river of liquid sunshine.Horatio smiled again at the memory. He had asked her whether she ever considered cutting it, and her response had been both quick and decisive.  
  
"No way in hell." She had said. "Why not?" he had asked, surprised at her vehemence. "I'm not talking about changing the color or anything drastic, just a little trim. Wouldn't it make days like today easier to handle?" "You forget where I come from," Calleigh had replied, softening the reprimand with a smile. "The heat and humidity don't bother me in the least. And I don't want to cut my hair. This is me."  
  
He had dropped the conversation, but her simple reply had intrigued him-it was so.Calleigh. Confident, self-aware, and not afraid show it. He pieced together fragments of conversations, trying to find a pattern out of the pieces, trying to fill out more of the shadowed outline that was Calleigh Duquesne. She had told him once that she would get a manicure or pedicure from time to time, celebrating personal victories or redirecting disappointment. Horatio had come to know that changes in Calleigh's physical appearance were connected to her emotions and her perception of herself. He knew that an extremely personal event had prompted the tattoo. He was yet to discover what that event was. He knew that her current hairstyle was started when she went to work in the New Orleans. Something big had happened if Calleigh was thinking about changing her hair. He wondered if she would trust him enough to talk to him about what was going on, but considering her quick departure just now, he doubted it.  
  
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Calleigh paused in the hallway, leaning against the wall and reviewing the conversation in her mind. Why had he said that? "What a shame." What did that mean? Was it about her hair? Or the fact that she had barricaded her heart and mind and refused to let him in? She stopped herself before she could replay in her mind the look in his eyes when he ran the strand of her hair through his fingers. She wouldn't let herself dwell on what his actions and comments might mean, she allowed herself to take them only at face value. If Horatio had a problem with her cutting her hair, it was his problem. In fact, she was more determined then ever to change it. It would be her way of declaring herself independent from planning her life according to what might make Horatio pay more attention to her. And if his problem was with the distance she had placed between them, then it was about time for him to get a taste of his own medicine. She pushed off from the wall, continuing to the lab with determination in her stride, deciding that their first interview had gone well, all things considered. She couldn't help but make an observation to herself, though, that the tableaux was reminiscent of how Horatio acted before he had started dating Yelina. There was an element of friendship and camaraderie displayed by him that had been sorely lacking in the precious weeks. It was probably just a fluke, no use wondering if they had split up or. "Focus," Calleigh said to herself. Obsessing about Horatio's actions and love life was no way to proceed on her new path. His opinion meant nothing. 


	4. Chapter 4: Laughter, Tears, Hopes and Fe...

Cauchemar Part 4: Laughter, Tears, Hopes and Fears By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
When Calleigh got back to the lab, she noticed that Valera had arrived in her short absence. Calleigh looked in on her, pushing aside the familiar discomfort she felt around the new CSI and reminding herself that this was yet another working relationship that needed a new start today. She took a moment to study the girl, no, young woman. Valera was fresh out of college and still had a look of innocence, not yet tempered by disappointment or experience. The eagerness she had initially displayed when she began working at CSI had recently been replaced with resignation and disappointment. Calleigh had made her transition difficult, pointing out every mistake, demanding more detail, more research, more effort. The poor girl's enthusiasm was almost gone. Calleigh squared her shoulders and fixed a friendly smile on her face, ready to admit her mistakes in dealing with the young CSI.  
  
"Good morning, Valera," Calleigh said, "Did you see the doughnuts upstairs?"  
  
Valera jumped at Calleigh's voice, turning to face her superior with a guarded look and stiffness in her shoulders. "No, I thought I should come straight here and look over the DNA comparisons for the Roberts file again, but I can't seem to find it."  
  
"Oh," Calleigh responded. "I have them over here. You did a great job."  
  
Valera's cautious look took on a hue of resignation. "But?" she asked.  
  
Calleigh realized that she was expecting a reprimand or a list of deficiencies. What have I done? she asked herself. She must think I'm some kind of perfectionist monster that's only out to trample her good spirits. Oh well, time to show her the other, more supportive side of Calleigh Duquesne. "But nothing. You did a first-rate job. Your notes are detailed, your research on-target, and your conclusions well-supported. I know that I've been really territorial and that I've taken it out on you these past couple months, and I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. You're becoming a valuable member of the team. Your work lately has been above par. I'm truly impressed." Calleigh allowed a smile to spread across her face as a look of astonishment, relief, pleasure, and pride crossed Valera's. "The report doesn't need any more work. Go get yourself a doughnut before all the good ones are taken. When you get back, I'll need your assistance on another project I'm working on. I'll even teach you some things about ballistics and trace evidence, if you're interested."  
  
Valera looked interested. "Really? You will? What's the case about? How can I help? I can start right now, if you want."  
  
Calleigh chuckled. Ah, youth. She thought. So eager to please. "Go get your doughnut. This will keep for a few minutes."  
  
Valera nodded and walked out, promising to be back in a couple of minutes, wanting to not mess with Calleigh's newfound amiability. Calleigh just shook her head and allowed herself a wry smile. Valera was a good kid with potential; all she needed was a little encouragement. And a mentor that isn't constantly breathing down her neck, pointing out every mistake, Calleigh reminded herself. She still had some bridges to mend with that girl, and a little extra attention over the next couple days wasn't out of the question. Hopefully she could fix the mistake her initial coldness and, in the process, rid herself of the unjustified suspicion she had managed to build up against Valera. Calleigh was relieved that her initial overture had gone over so well. Unlike my encounter with Horatio this morning. The thought came unbidden to her mind, quickly killing her satisfaction and good mood. Moving on, moving on. Calleigh chanted to herself. Obsessing led you to this, remember? It will get easier with time. Let go and move on.  
  
When Valera returned to the lab, Calleigh called her over to a table that had evidence from a recent case spread over its surface. It was something Calleigh had already finished working on, but was a good case to use as a teaching opportunity. She allowed Valera to examine the physical evidence and the trace results, even setting up the comparative microscope and walking the young woman through procedures for identifying a match. They went over the evidence together, Calleigh asking for the younger CSI's impressions, offering advice and encouragement and expressing approval when she came to the correct conclusion. They filled out the report together and Calleigh was happy to see that Valera was more comfortable in her presence, offering comments and suggestions with greater confidence. Calleigh felt better herself, the familiar rhythm of analyzing evidence lifting her spirits to where they had been that morning. After they had finished, Calleigh called for a break, grabbing sodas from a vending machine and bringing out the magazine again. The two women flipped through it, looking at pictures and joking about what hairstyles Calleigh should consider trying. Valera approved of the cut Calleigh had been considering earlier, saying that soft curls would add an aura of fun and the shorter style would be welcome considering the heat and humidity of Miami.  
  
After their bonding, Calleigh allowed Valera to work alone on a couple of slam-dunk cases and headed over to talk to Alexx. The previous week's light workload had allowed her to finish all her cases and required paperwork, and Alexx had been on vacation for the last to weeks. Calleigh was looking forward to hearing stories of the kids' first visit to Disney. She entered the autopsy theater to find Alexx humming "It's a Small World After All" absentmindedly while making an inventory of supplies.  
  
"I take it Janie and Bryan had a great time," Calleigh said with a smile.  
  
Alexx turned around and smiled in response. "They haven't stopped talking about it," she said, "They keep asking why we can't move to Orlando."  
  
"Oh, Lord help us all!" Calleigh chuckled. "I take it you don't share their yearning for mouse ears and tourists?"  
  
"That would be correct, Detective," Alex answered. "So, girl, how have things been around here? I can see that Rick has managed to not reorder supplies in my absence."  
  
Calleigh rolled her eyes. Rick Stetler was hopeless without Alexx's careful supervision. "I wonder sometimes about that man. You'd think that someone who graduated from medical school would have an ounce of common sense in him. We've been counting the hours until you got back."  
  
"Good to know I've been missed," Alexx said. "Things will get better with Rick. He just needs a little more experience. At least I know I won't be taken for granted anytime soon."  
  
Calleigh looked over and smiled at her friend. "That will never happen. You're the soul of this place, Alexx. I don't know what I would do if you weren't around."  
  
Alexx took a careful look at her friend. Before she had left, Alexx had noticed that her usually cheerful friend had been growing more and more withdrawn and that her engaging smile had all but disappeared. It had been going on for almost two months, starting when Horatio had begun making advanced toward Yelina. Looking carefully at her friend, Alexx was pleased to discover that Calleigh looked more relaxed than when she had left, as though some of the weight she had been under had lifted. Still, the playful spark had not yet returned to her friend's eyes. "How have you been, honey?" she asked in a more subdued tone.  
  
With that simple question, Calleigh felt the emotions begin to rise up in her again she dropped her eyes before Alexx could see the pain they contained. Though the question was not specific, she knew what Alexx was really asking. That woman was too observant at times! She wanted to know how Calleigh was dealing with Horatio. Calleigh took a deep breath and prepared her answer. Alexx could see though a lie as quickly as Horatio, but there had to be a way to give her enough information to satisfy the question while making it clear that Calleigh didn't want to open up completely. Before she spoke, the thought crossed her mind that she should let Alexx become her confidant, but she tossed it aside just as quickly. This is my issue to work through, Calleigh thought to herself, I can't let other people solve my problems for me. She reigned in her emotions, and met Alexx's compassionate gaze. "I've been fine," she said carefully. "You know, working on cases, enjoying some free time. I spent the weekend cleaning out my apartment, getting ready for the new season."  
  
Alexx stood there quietly for a moment, noticing the hesitation and registering the evasive nature of Calleigh's answer. She knew the younger woman was purposely avoiding talking about her feelings directly, but she knew how to read between the lines of what Calleigh was saying. Alex looked into Calleigh's eyes. They were a little sad, but determined, and they held a silent request to honor her request for privacy. Alexx felt a twinge of sadness as she studied Calleigh's face. Oh honey, she thought to herself, you've decided to go through this alone. When will you learn that asking for help isn't a weakness? She decided to respect the young woman's decision, but wasn't going to let her off completely, so she allowed herself one more observation. "Belated Spring cleaning, eh? I tend to go a little overboard when I get in the mood to simplify my life. In my zeal to get rid of the clutter I always wind up either throwing out or packing away some precious items that would bring me comfort if I had kept them around." Alexx coupled the last comment with a pointed look in her friend's direction. Don't push me away she said with her eyes.  
  
Calleigh breathed a sigh of relief. Alexx was not going to press the issue. She also caught the double-meaning in her friend's comment and the request in Alexx's eyes. She let a small smile cross her lips and nodded a silent "thank you" to her friend. "I was careful. I didn't throw away anything that I thought I would need in the long run. It was just time to let go of the past and make room for change. You know?"  
  
Alexx was reassured by the glimmer of peace she now saw in Calleigh's eyes. You're going to be ok she thought. She smiled back and said, "You know you can come to me for help if you need to sort through anything else. There's no fun in doing it all by yourself."  
  
Calleigh maintained her smile, relaxing into a more comfortable topic of conversation. "I know that, but I've already finished. So did I interrupt when I walked in?"  
  
"You didn't interrupt anything. You provided me with a much-needed break from doing inventory." Alexx answered.  
  
"Ouch." Calleigh joked. "I'm sure that was one thing you definitely didn't miss on your vacation."  
  
"Definitely not. As a mater of fact, I actually considered that move to Orlando when I saw the status of my cabinet here." Alexx smiled at Calleigh, letting her know that it didn't bother her at all. Everyone knew how much Alexx loved to organize her supplies.  
  
"Well I think I've distracted you long enough" Calleigh said, laughing at her friend's grousing. "I'll let you get back to your inventory. Thanks for the chat."  
  
Alexx picked up her clipboard and looked back at Calleigh. "Sure thing. By the way-what's this I hear about a hair cut? You're not going to do anything drastic, are you?"  
  
"Wow, there's no such thing as a secret around here," Calleigh replied, shaking her head. "It's not like I'm going to dye it pink and put it in spikes. I'm just thinking about a little trim and maybe some curls. You know how it is, I need a change."  
  
Alexx nodded her understanding. "No explanations necessary. I think it's the right thing. Come see me as soon as you do it. I want to be the first to see the new, improved Calleigh Duquesne."  
  
Calleigh felt the last of her tension drain away. Alexx did understand, and approved her decision. "You got it. See you around," Calleigh said with a small wave. Alexx nodded and turned her attention back to inventory. Calleigh left, not seeing Alexx glance back in her direction.  
  
Alexx watched her friend leave with a little more confidence than when she had entered. I hope your pain passes quickly, she thought to herself. You're too good a person to let this keep you from happiness. Her thoughts turned to Horatio and she couldn't help the tinge of anger she felt for the man who had unknowingly hurt her friend. What are you thinking, Horatio? She thought, not for the first time. Why can't you see what was right in front of you? With a small sigh for what might have been, Alexx refocused her thoughts on the task at hand. She was low on some necessary supplies and she needed to reorder them quickly. I'm going to need to talk to Rick about ordering supplies. It's time that man learned how to fill out a requisition form anyway.  
  
Neither of he women had noticed that someone was watching them from the viewing room. The observer had been listening to the conversation with passing interest. Nothing important had been said anyway. All of the final details were now in place and it was time for the games to begin. The ominous voice rang hollow in the empty room. "No such thing as a secret around here? You know better than to think that, Calleigh." The observer said quietly. "You and I both have things we choose to hide. And just because you want to let go of the past, doesn't mean that the past wants to let go of you." 


	5. Chapter 5: Wigging Out

Cauchemar Part 5: Wigging Out By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
A/N: TaCe-look! I didn't forget about the title!  
  
By the time Monday drew to a close, Horatio was feeling discouraged. There weren't any problems with the cases he had worked on-as a matter of fact, the low crime rate seemed to be continuing into its second week. It can stay this way as far as I'm concerned he thought to himself. No, the problem was that he still hadn't reconnected completely with everyone. Speed had gone with him to collect evidence from a robbery earlier, and after working side by side for a couple hours, everything was back to normal. Horatio tried to subtly inquire after other members of the team, and was caught up with the latest developments in Eric's love life, but Speed had remarkably little information about the team member he was most concerned about, Calleigh. All Speed had to offer on the subject was that she had looked worn out at the end of the previous week, even with a light load, but that she was in better spirits after the weekend.  
  
After getting back to the lab, Horatio had chatted for a while with Eric, even setting up a 'guys night' with him and Speed to watch pre-season football and relax. Everything with them was back on track. He had also stopped in to see Alexx, hearing details about their family vacation to Orlando and reveling in her rendition of the kids' first glimpse at the Magic Kingdom. He couldn't help but notice that her eyes held a trace of wariness when he first had walked into the autopsy arena, but he passed that off as unwillingness to discuss how far Rick had let things slide in her absence. Alexx had reassured him that a "Come to Jesus" meeting would soon be set up with the new guy to impress on him the importance of keeping plenty of supplies on hand. Horatio made a mental note to talk to Rick at the next opportunity to make sure he understood Alexx loud and clear. It was easy to catch up with Alexx, as she too had been absent the past two weeks, physically instead of emotionally true, but she had not felt the full impact of Horatio's aloof manner. There was less to forgive and with her understanding nature, everything was quickly forgotten.  
  
A low crime rate, low humidity, no backlog of paperwork, things would be perfect if it weren't for the one missing piece of domestic tranquility at CSI. Calleigh. He had gone to her initially to take the call on the robbery, but when he got to the lab, he could see that she was tied up working on a case with the new girl, Valera. He didn't want to interrupt the training and interaction going on, so he had walked past the lab without going in. Horatio still had no explanation for why she had pulled away from him that morning. Even with his best attempts at information gathering from the guys and from Alexx, he had not discovered any information about what was going on with her. There were no rumors of a new boyfriend, no reports of any personal tragedies, there was nothing. He couldn't understand why she had stopped being willing to open up to him. He looked at the clock.6:15. With the lack of new cases, she would be getting ready to leave. Now might be the perfect opportunity to catch up with her, maybe grab something to eat and give their morning conversation a second chance. Maybe she had only been distant because she didn't want to talk about something personal at work. Horatio stood, grabbing his suit coat and was about to walk out the door when the phone rang.  
  
"Horatio," he responded automatically.  
  
"It's 6:20 on a Monday, do you know what that means?" he heard a voice ask. He didn't need the caller to identify himself. Realization of the importance of the day swept down on him, making him set aside thought of a catch-up dinner with Calleigh until tomorrow. Right now, he had a prior engagement.  
  
"Family night," he said to Ray J, reveling in the familiarity and excitement he had heard in his nephew's voice. It felt good to be a part of a family, knowing that there was a place that he belonged outside the world of crime investigation. "I'm just on my way out now. What's for dinner?"  
  
"Pizza," he heard Ray J answer, then picked up a voice in the background before he came back on the line. "Mom says that if you can guarantee that you'll be here before the delivery guy you can help pick the toppings.  
  
Horatio smiled. It was good to feel so welcomed. "You have my word," he spoke into the phone, "and you pick.just no anchovies, ok?"  
  
"Deal," he heard, before Ray J's voice went up a few notches as he called back to his mother, "pepperoni and extra cheese, he's leaving now!" Horatio held the phone away from his head to quiet Ray J's shout, laughing to himself. He heard Ray talk to him again so he put the phone back to his ear. "Hurry-she said if you're late she's going to put mushrooms on it when it gets here."  
  
"I'm on my way," Horatio replied. They said goodbye and he placed the receiver back in the cradle, turning out his desk lamp at the same time. He glanced out the window that overlooked CSI, seeing a flash of blonde hair just as it turned a corner. He sighed, momentarily regretting the need to put off his conversation with Calleigh for yet another day, but he had promised to make every family dinner possible. Besides he thought to himself what difference could one more day make?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The phone call at 4:15 the next morning was not how Horatio wanted to begin a new day. So much for another slow week he thought to himself. Collecting his thoughts and clearing his throat, he grabbed the phone. "Horatio," he said, alert to the in the other end. He listened to the caller, not interrupting until all the vital information had been conveyed. He asked nothing, knowing that the scene itself would have to answer his questions. He gave only one order before hanging up and beginning to get ready for what looked like a long day: "Call Calleigh, Delko and Alexx and have them meet me there."  
  
By the time everyone had arrived at the scene, sunlight was just beginning to make its presence known. Eric arrived first and was immediately caught up in taking preliminary photographs of the scene. When Calleigh arrived five minutes later, the police had marked off a respectable distance and were chasing away the first of the television crews that had shown up. Calleigh glanced around at the mostly empty parking lot, noticing Alexx examining a drape-covered body in the middle of the police tape. This can't be where the murder took place she thought to herself. It's too public. But what a strange place to dump a body. Calleigh took a brief glance at the stores in the strip mall: a pizza place, a bank office, hair salon, and an ice cream shop were nearby, with a grocery store taking up most of the far end. Cars were drifting into the parking lot as employees and early morning shoppers were beginning to arrive. Taking a last sip of coffee, she pulled on sunglasses and grabbed her kit and, heading over to Eric with only a fleeting glance at Horatio, who was in conversation with a detective and what looked like an employee of one of the nearby stores. They were joined a moment later by Horatio. He looked disturbed and wasted to time getting to the details.  
  
"A grocery store employee called a dead body in just after four this morning," he began, glancing at the man he had just talked to. "He was responsible for unlocking the doors for the other employees, and says that he is typically the first person her in the mornings. The store isn't open 24 hours, just from five am to about midnight, with the last employee leaving around two. That narrows the window to just two hours in which our perp could have dumped the body." They walked over to Alexx, who had finished her initial examination and was speaking quietly to the victim. Calleigh caught a glimpse of blond hair before turning her attention to Alexx. "What have we got?" Horatio asked.  
  
"Young woman, probably between the ages of 28 and 35. No ID. No sign of sexual assault. Cause of death was asphyxiation--she has all the classic signs, but there is a lot that doesn't make sense here." Alexx looked up at the detectives with a look of confusion. "Putting aside for a moment the state of the body when it was found, my initial reaction would normally be that the manner of death was some kind of accident. There are no ligature marks, no sign of strangulation, and there is nothing that would indicate a struggle. The bruises on the chest and torso indicate that death was caused by a tremendous amount of pressure, preventing the ability to breathe. But there are no other obvious signs of injury-no broken bones, cuts, anything that would indicate an accident."  
  
Calleigh looked back at the body. Putting aside the state of the body when it was found. she realized why Alexx had qualified her comment. The body was carefully positioned, laid out so that the victim's hair was spread out behind her, as though the killer had made a great effort to make a display out of the wavy locks. Calleigh couldn't help the thought that crossed her mind. That's the style I was thinking about.it doesn't seem so great right now. The victim was dressed simply, in a pristine white robe that, from where Calleigh was standing, didn't have a speck of dirt on it. Just wait until I get you back to the lab she said silently, There's no such thing as completely clean.  
  
"What's really bothering you?" Horatio asked, knowing that there was something that Alexx had not yet shared.  
  
"You'll have to wait until I get her back to the lab for me to confirm this, but right now I'd say that she's been dead for at least twelve hours. Whoever did this spent some time cleaning her up, removing traces of anything that could tie them to her murder. She's amazingly clean. And then there's the wig."  
  
"Wig? Eric asked, "She's wearing a wig??  
  
"I didn't notice it myself until I took a close look. Someone had been very careful to hide her real hair. It couldn't be the victim, because it would have come off when her killer cleaned the body. As it is, I would say that someone put it on her after she was dead."  
  
All the CSI's stared at the woman's head, with different expressions of confusion and puzzlement. This was something new. They had all but ruled out completely the possibility that the attack was aimed solely at the victim. The care put into disguising the evidence and the scene spoke out against it. So did altering the victim's appearance after killing her. Normally, a killer would select a victim that met their specific profile, if necessary right down to hair and eye color. No one had ever heard of changing a victim's appearance after the fact, at least, not in this way. This was not mutilation nor was it a sign of brutality as much as.no one knew what it was. Horatio left with the detective to speak with the owners of different stores in the hopes that someone had a security camera pointed at the parking lot. Everyone else got to work processing the scene.  
  
They turned their attention to the body first. Alexx pointing out a fine powder that was coating the victim's skin. Calleigh opened up her kit and carefully collected a sample. It was time to begin finding every last trace left behind by the person who had done this. But as they examined the victim, they couldn't find anything else. There were no hairs, no fibers, no stains. Calleigh used a lifter on the robe, hoping that there would be some kind of trace evidence that they would be able to process. After talking with Alexx, they decided that it would be best to leave the wig in place for the time being and remove it back at the lab, where the environment was sterile and there would be less chances of contamination. Within an hour, they had collected every trace they could from the body and Alexx had released it to be taken for an autopsy. She left with the body.  
  
Delko resumed his task of photographing the crime scene. He searched for every last detail. There was a reason that the killer had decided to stage a scene here-whoever had done this probably figured that by creating a separate scene, the quantity of evidence would be reduced and the police's job would be harder. But killers always underestimated how much material they left behind on and around their victims. There was always something that would tie them to their crime. He circled the victim, taking pictures of the body, debris on the asphalt, anything and everything in sight.  
  
Calleigh worked with Delko, marking evidence, putting down and taking up rulers and measuring tools for the pictures, bagging and cataloging evidence. She took samples of oil stains and residue from puddles, on the chance that they could be used to tie a car to the scene. She didn't hold out much hope of their being useful, though. They were all too dried out to have been created at the time that the victim was killed. She stood for a moment, stretching her muscles that had been cramped for too long as she had knelt to collect evidence. Horatio was walking back towards them from the strip mall, coffees in hand and a look of displeasure on his face. Calleigh walked over to him. "What's that look for," she asked, reaching out to take the coffee he offered her.  
  
"Only the grocery store had any king of security camera system, and it doesn't cover this half of the parking lot." He answered, getting Eric's attention and handing him a coffee as well. The three CSI's walked over to Horatio's hummer, leaning against it and sipping coffee for a moment. "What do you have?" he asked, turning his attention back to Calleigh.  
  
Calleigh sighed, knowing that her news would do nothing to improve his mood. "A whole lot of nothing. I've taken samples, but I can tell you that none of the nearby grease stains were made at in our timeframe. Also, it looks like whoever dumped the body took as much care with the scene as they did with the body. I haven't found a trace of anything concrete except the asphalt. Hopefully, we'll be able to find something in trace." She looked over at Horatio. If anything, his frown had deepened.  
  
"Are you almost done?" he asked.  
  
"I was finishing when you walked up." Calleigh replied. "There is nothing more that I can do here." Eric indicated that the same was true for him. There was nothing to be found here.  
  
"Ok," Horatio said. "Pack it up. Page me as soon as you get results back from the lab. I want to know the minute you get anything. I want this guy."  
  
Calleigh nodded and walked over to her case. This was not good. For someone to go to this much effort to take someone else's life and then to put it on display in public.this was just the beginning, Calleigh knew it. There were going to be more victims unless they found something that would identify this guy. As she put her case into her car, she sighed. It was going to be a long day. 


	6. Chapter 6: Striking Out

Cauchemar Part 6: Striking Out By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
Notes: From the CSI Miami website: NCAVC stands for the National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime. It is an FBI program that includes the Serial Investigative Resource Center and VICAP, the Violent Crime Apprehension Program, which tracks elements of violent crimes to identify MO and signatures.  
  
Back at the lab, everyone wasted no time in getting down to business. Unfortunately, the recent slowdown in crime seemed to evaporate and each member of the team was called away on at least one other case. Calleigh checked in several times with Valera, who had been recruited from DNA to trace for the day, checking to see if they had gotten anything back yet. The news was not good. The only materials that had been lifted from the robe were dirt and small pieces of asphalt that matched the area from where the body was found. There was nothing to go on. Even the oil and fluid samples Calleigh had collected confirmed her suspicion that they had been made earlier in the day. She hoped that Alexx had better luck with the body.  
  
Horatio watched Alexx working on the body, examining every part of the victim to uncover her secrets. "What do you have for me?" he asked her.  
  
Alexx looked up to the observation room before she began speaking, the heaviness in her voice telling Horatio that he wouldn't like her answer. "I still have more tests to run, but from what I can tell so far, she was dosed heavily with chloroform, which would explain the lack of defensive wounds and restraint marks. She was so out of it, there was no need to tie her down. Once she was dosed, she probably never woke up. There was enough of it in her system to contribute to her death, but the main cause was some kind of weight that was placed on her chest. Whoever killed her knew what they were doing. There was enough weight to inhibit her breathing, which, combined with the overdose of chloroform, caused her to asphyxiate. However, there were no broken bones in her chest. There was enough weight to kill her, but not enough to crush her."  
  
"What about marks on the body?" Horatio asked.  
  
Alexx shook her head. "The only marks are over the chest area. I can't tell from the bruising what was used to press down on her. All I can say for sure is that it is flat and large enough to rest completely over her chest-this was not someone kneeling on her until she stopped breathing. What's more, I searched every inch of that girl's skin and I can tell you, there are no cuts, no miscellaneous bruises, and no fingerprints on her person. There are no fibers. No traces of anyone even touching her. I checked the area under her fingernails-nothing. I sent some more samples over to trace of the powder, but other than that she's completely clean. Too clean, if you ask me."  
  
"What did you get on time of death?" Horatio questioned, connecting Alexx's comment with her earlier observation at the scene.  
  
"She died sometime between five and six last night." Alexx answered. "Whoever did this made sure they had plenty of time to clean her up. She's been washed and coated with that powder. Even her hair was clean."  
  
Horatio looked down at the body, paying close attention to the victim's natural hair. Alexx had released it from the wig and it now lay on the table. It was blond, straight, and long, probably reaching halfway down her back. Horatio turned to leave. "Thanks, Alexx. Let me know if you find anything else.  
  
"Sure thing." She replied, already focusing her attention back on the young woman in front of her. "You deserved so much better than this." She said quietly, resting her hand on the young woman's shoulder. "We'll find out who did this, baby, I promise."  
  
Horatio's next stop was trace. He spotted Speed examining the wig and Eric running a test on the gas chromatograph. Horatio looked over at Speed. "Did you get anything from the wig?"  
  
Speed looked up. "There's nothing on it that was left by the killer. It's like it came straight out of the bag. I've done some checking and I can tell you that it's pretty high-end. The wig was made up of real hair, which is not something that you find at your local beauty salon."  
  
"Good work," Horatio replied. "Start looking up phone numbers. Every wig place in town. Find out who they've sold something like this to recently. It's the closest thing we have to a lead yet. What's Eric doing?"  
  
Eric walked over, paper in hand. "Running that powder we got off the body." He looked down at the report. "Hot off the presses.Magnesium Silicate Hydroxide. It's a mineral used in counter tops, electrical switchboards, carvings, paint, rubber, roofing materials, ceramics, insecticides, and the primary ingredient in."  
  
"Talcum powder," Calleigh broke in, sneaking up behind Eric and snatching the report out of his hands. "It had to either be that or baby powder. Was there anything special that can help us identify a brand? A scent or color?"  
  
Eric shot Calleigh a look, disappointed that she had stolen his thunder. "Nothing concrete yet. We're still running tests. It has a very light blue color to it and we haven't been able to place the scent. It's very light and has a floral quality to it. It could take a while to pin it down exactly. There's thousands of manufacturers, and there are only slight variances in the products."  
  
Calleigh nodded and then spoke up, adding her bad news to the collection. "We got test results back on what we processed at the scene. Nothing. No traces of anything other than asphalt and dirt, which was all over the scene. Same for the robe-no trace of any kind of detergent or cleaning liquids. It was brand-new white silk robe. We're still running the fibers to see if we can come up with a manufacturer.  
  
Everyone looked over at Horatio. He frowned and then summarized what had been discovered so far. "So we have a woman, coated in talcum powder, dressed in a new, spotless robe, and found dead in a staged scene in a parking lot, with a wig on her head arranged by the killer with no evidence that gets us any closer to figuring out who he is." He sighed, letting go of some of his frustration before he took it out on everyone else. "I've placed a call in to NCAVC. They're checking their files to see if they have a record of any similar cases. I'm going to give them what we've gathered so far, though, and they're going to work on a preliminary profile. We should have something by the beginning of next week. For now, keep running tests, keep making phone calls. We need to nail this guy quickly, before he kills again."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next days were a blur for the CSI team. They worked twenty hour days, running and rerunning tests to look for minute details that might have escaped previous notice while handling new cases that kept coming in. They finally were able to id the victim, a young business professional who was last seen going out for her daily run. Calleigh kept herself busy, going out on cases with everyone, including Horatio. She made sure to keep their conversations friendly and lighthearted, never allowing the subject to turn to the immensely personal, redirecting any attempts he made to broach the subject of her haircut. The haircut.she had abandoned the short and curly idea as soon as she had seen that cut on the dead body earlier in the week. She probably would have shelved the idea completely if it hadn't been for Valera. That girl went straight from intimidated to "new best friend" in no time at all. She was constantly around Calleigh when she was in the lab, talking, asking questions, offering her help. Calleigh felt a little uncomfortable with Valera's sudden closeness, but didn't want to kill the girl's eagerness yet again, so she put on a smile and humored her. Besides, Valera was making good progress in learning how to run trace tests, which was coming in handy now that their work load had picked up. She was also a source of much-needed distraction at times, bringing in more magazines to look at with Calleigh, asking her what styles she might consider once things slowed down a little more, if they ever slowed down. Calleigh was still determined to do something with her long hair, though. It 'did' get in the way sometimes, and she had been pinning it up in a bun in the hoped that it wouldn't get in her face when she was working. She tried to ignore the wistful look that would come over Horatio's face when he saw that it was up again-it was almost like he missed it flying everywhere or something.  
  
By Friday, everyone was worn out, and even though they all planned on working over the weekend, Horatio insisted that everyone take Friday night off to rest and recharge. He felt tempted to have that long delayed dinner and conversation with Calleigh, but figured that a good night's sleep was more important for both of them. Things were not back to normal between them. They were close, but not quite the same-they had worked side by side on a number of cases and there were no problems, their work rhythm was just as smooth, and their conversation had been friendly. They still joked with each other, but there were no witty comments and sly grins from Calleigh that sought to provoke a double-take from him. Then again, there was precious little that anyone felt like joking about recently. In fact, there was no real outward or obvious sign that anything had changed. There was still something missing though. It used to be that when they worked together, there was a thread of silent communication that connected them to each other. They had been able to anticipate each other's needs and offer assistance without the other person even asking. There was a give and take of support, a balance between them that kept them both sane. That thread was gone now, and the balance had shifted so much that he felt as thought he were suddenly facing everything alone, and he wondered why Calleigh would cut off their mutual, unspoken support system like that. He wondered if she missed it as much as he did. He tried to look at her when she wasn't paying attention, searching for signs that she felt as disconnected as he did, but she revealed nothing. He couldn't read her anymore, something which disturbed him greatly. The past couple of days, he had found himself staring at the hair she kept up tightly in a bun. It seemed symbolic. She had bound up her heart along with her hair, refusing to share the sunlight that she used to bring into a room with her. He was still very much aware of the woman at his side, but felt nothing in their contact except a mysterious wall of silence. 


	7. Chapter 7: Interruptions

Cauchemar Part 7: Interruptions By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
A/N: Credit for parts of the profile belongs to a friend who's just begun a Masters program in Forensic Psychology and helped me with this as a favor.you know who you are! Thanks again, girl!  
  
Calleigh felt like a zombie by the time she walked into her apartment on Friday night. It had been the week from hell. They were no closer to finding their mysterious killer now, three days later, than when Calleigh had first arrived on the scene. And there had been plenty of other cases to work on, as well. All Calleigh wanted was an uninterrupted night of sleep in which she could wake up feeling more rested than when she had first nodded off. She went straight from the front door towards the bedroom, deciding not to bother turning on any lights, when a strange feeling rushed over her like a bucket of ice water. There was something off about her apartment. Calleigh felt for a light switch on the wall, squinting against the sudden brightness as the lights in the living room came on full force.  
  
There was nothing out of place. Calleigh frowned, sure that she had sensed something wrong just a moment before. It's just your imagination playing tricks on you she scolded herself. Probably just because you're so tired. Calleigh willed her heat to slow down, turning off the lights and continuing her journey to her bed and a good night's sleep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Calleigh woke up later than she had originally planned the next morning, looking over at the alarm clock and realizing there would be no time to enjoy the peace and quiet of her apartment that day. As it was, she would have to hurry if she was to get into the lab by 10:00. Just before she walked out the door, Calleigh took one last look around her apartment, plagued again with the thought that there was something out of place, but again everything was as it should be. She shrugged her shoulders and walked out the door.  
  
After a few hours in the lab, Calleigh had finished a couple of minor reports and was looking over the results from the latest round of tests on the talcum powder. Speed had asked her to test it further, hoping that they would be able to pick up some other trace element that would help them identify the manufacturer. Still nothing. Calleigh took a moment to smell the powder, racking her brain to figure out where she had encountered the light fragrance before. It was so familiar.but she couldn't place it. She was so engrossed in searching her memory that she failed to notice Horatio entering the room.  
  
Horatio stood on the inside of the door and observed the focused look on Calleigh's face. She was in another world at the moment, and Horatio couldn't help but feel that he had been allowed an uninhibited look into Calleigh's soul for that brief moment. The distance in her eyes was not defensive, just thoughtful. He held back a sigh as he saw awareness creep back into her face. In another moment, she would realize he was there and all her walls would go back up. He was right. Calleigh returned to the present about five seconds later and immediately sensed his presence behind her. She sat up straight, turning around slowly and lifted her eyes to his, warm, but not inviting. She waited for him to speak, and he did not keep her in suspense for long. "I thought you might be ready for a bite to eat and was wondering if you might want to grab a burger with me." He wanted to try to talk to her again, this time away from any place where she could hide behind paperwork or tests as soon as the conversation got personal.  
  
Calleigh frowned, considering his request. She was hungry, but she didn't want to give Horatio a chance to push her again on why she wasn't confiding in him. He had zeroed in on her distance too quickly for comfort last week, and Calleigh had no desire to face off with him again. On the other hand, she had been able to handle his subsequent attempts and he had let up on the subject. She noted with some satisfaction that his request to spend time with her alone no longer filled her with a sense of panic or dread. It actually hadn't affected her at all. Maybe it wasn't too big a risk and she would be able to handle a casual lunch with him. She nodded slightly and began to respond, "I think I might be able to."  
  
The rest of her reply was interrupts by Speed and Delko coming in the door. Speed looked over between Calleigh and Horatio and said, "Hey! We're out of here to grab some food. You two want to join us?"  
  
Calleigh smiled. This was perfect. Horatio wouldn't be able to go after her again with the boys present. From the look of frustration in his eyes, Horatio had just thought the same thing. With a look of satisfaction, she looked over at Speed. "Seems as though I'm raking in lunch offers this afternoon. Horatio here just asked me the same thing. How about we all go together?"  
  
Horatio silently cursed the timing of his two friends. Just when he had a chance to talk to Calleigh alone they had to rush in and turn it into a group event. Well, he couldn't refuse now, not when Calleigh had told them all he was going out to lunch with her. He nodded, careful not to show his displeasure. Speed and Delko headed out, saying they would meet them out front. Horatio reached over and held the door open for Calleigh. "Let's go."  
  
Calleigh grabbed her purse and nodded her thanks as she walked out. Horatio fell into step beside her, putting a hand on her arm to slow their pace until they were out of earshot. "Don't think that I'm going to let you off this easy," he said quietly. "You and I will be talking in the near future."  
  
Calleigh fixed a warning look on her face and met Horatio's eyes dead on. "I'm sure there will be plenty of time for a conversation between friends and coworkers over lunch. Beyond that, I can't think of anything that we would need to discuss." She shrugged off his restraint and increased her pace to catch up to the boys. Horatio fought the anger and hurt that her response had caused. She was shutting him out again.  
  
By the time they got to the restaurant, the tension between Calleigh and Horatio had relaxed somewhat as they allowed Speed and Delko to carry the weight of the conversation. They were talking about some new clubs that had opened, and Calleigh happily prompted their conversation as Horatio quietly observed his team. He was annoyed that Calleigh was freer in the presence of the two men than she had been with him in the lab. She smiled easier and the stiffness in her posture was relaxed. He finally entered the conversation, talking easily with Speed about the quality of a new restaurant and was rewarded with a smile from Calleigh just as his phone rang. He looked at the number and excused himself, going over to the doorway to take the call.  
  
Calleigh couldn't help but listen to Horatio's half of the conversation, since their table was near the entrance and it was late enough in the afternoon for the restaurant to be mostly empty. He was talking to Yelina. She knew it as soon as Horatio started talking about changing dinner plans for the following week. Seems as though he was going to miss out on family game night. How cozy. She tuned out the rest of his conversation, not wanting to hear more evidence of how comfortable he was in mixing with his brother's family. It was none of her business anyway.  
  
Horatio ended his phone call, apologizing again for having to cancel his attendance the following Monday. He had left a message for Yelina yesterday, letting her know in advance that he wouldn't be able to make it due to their new case. The profile was due in on Monday and he would need to spend time going over the evidence again in light of the information the profile might give them. He sat back down at the table, rejoining the conversation. He looked over at Calleigh, but her expression was far away again, but this time she didn't look content, she looked a little sad. She focused in on the conversation again, looking over at Horatio and frowning when she noticed that he had seen her unguarded look. His silent inquiry was met with a shake of the head and a hardening of her eyes before she turned her gaze back to Eric, who was recounting his latest date with great aplomb. Horatio allowed his gaze to linger on Calleigh's face a moment longer and sighed inwardly once again. She was farther away now than ever before.  
  
Once the food arrived, the conversation was more limited as everyone focused on eating their lunch. Eric asked Calleigh what she had done with her free night, but she just smiled and said, "I slept." Eric made fun of her lack of social life, but Calleigh teased him right back, stating that he more than made up for her. The easy banter continued up until Horatio's phone rang again. He excused himself but was back at the table a moment later, signaling for the check and gathering the remains of his burger.  
  
"This lunch just became to-go," he said, the friendly tone replaced by a deadly serious one. "We've got another body." No one needed to ask what he was talking about. The harness in his face broadcasted the facts loud and clear. They picked up their burgers and tossed money on the table before leaving the restaurant and heading to another crime scene.  
  
They arrived 45 minutes later at an abandoned strip mall at the edge of the city. Alexx was already there, examining their latest victim and talking with the detective on the scene. Horatio walked up to be filled in while everyone else began getting gear out of their vehicles.  
  
"Same MO as the last one," Alexx stated, "Young woman, blond hair, blue eyes, killed by asphyxiation and left here with a wig, a robe, and a frustrating lack of anything that will point to her killer."  
  
"The wig is different," Horatio noted. "Long brown hair this time."  
  
"Yeah, didn't know what to make of that either," Alexx responded. "From what I can tell, she was dumped here early this morning, just like the last victim, but this place is so out of the way that no one noticed her body until that security guard made his rounds this afternoon," she said, pointing out a man standing 20 feet away, looking hot and uncomfortable in the afternoon heat. "Estimated time of death is between 4 and 7 last night. I'll have more for you when I get her back to CSI."  
  
"Ok, good work. Let me find out what our friendly rent-a-cop has to offer." Horatio walked over to the short, balding man and introduced himself. "What time do you normally make your rounds?" he asked the man, who had identified himself as Peter Hill.  
  
"Usually between noon and 1:00. I'm just supposed to check the property to make sure that no one had been messing with the place, you know? Look for broken windows and graffiti and stuff."  
  
"I understand. How long has this place been abandoned?"  
  
"About four months. The owner's trying to sell or lease it to some big corporation. Thinks it would be a great place for a Wally World or something."  
  
"Ok, Peter. What can you tell me about the stores that were here before it closed?"  
  
"Man, I don't know. I only started looking after the place last month. I can only guess from what signs were left hanging. From what I can tell there was a Chinese place in the far corner, a video store somewhere in the middle, and a coffee shop on the other side."  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"Yeah, my wife told me once that she used to get her hair cut at some salon over by the video place."  
  
"Ok, thanks for your help." Horatio looked over at the abandoned building. A hair salon.there was another one at the site of the previous victim, and there was the detail of the wig.it was something to keep in mind when they tried to track their killer. He walked back to where his team was already hard at work and pulled some gloves out of his kit. It was time to let the scene talk for itself.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hours later, the team gathered up the last of their equipment. The sun was just beginning to set, but their day was long from over. Calleigh headed back to the lab with more samples to analyze, though she already knew what she would find. Nothing. It was just like the other crime scene. Dirt, asphalt, and not a trace of anything else. That wouldn't stop her from testing every last speck of evidence, though. All the needed was one clue, one piece of material that could get them closer to their killer.  
  
The weekend passed by in a haze of tests and disappointments. When Calleigh headed home on Sunday night, she was frustrated at the number of dead ends she had hit again in their search for the truth. Again, they had come up empty on trace examinations, finding only the same talcum powder that still was to be identified. The only thing they had found out was their second victim's name, Amy. She had last been seen by her roommate on Friday afternoon, when she went out for groceries. Again, their victim had been walking when she was abducted, and no one had seen her disappear. Hopefully, the profile, combined with an analysis of the victims, where they had been last seen and the location of their bodies would also help narrow the search. Tomorrow would be a new day.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Monday morning, Horatio called the team in to go over progress in the case. Speed started out the meeting with the new information he had gathered on the wigs. "I called all the shops again after we found our second victim. Same dead end, but I did get a tip from one of the places I called. The owner had been looking though catalogues to see if she could identify the maker, and she noticed a trend. The type of quality that is present in the wigs this guy is using hasn't been seen by this lady in at least the last five years. I ran some more tests and she's right. They are closer to seven years old. The stores are going back through their records now, but most places don't keep them past two years. It's going to make it harder to find where they came from."  
  
Calleigh spoke up with her update as well. "We're running into a similar problem with the robes. I located the manufacturer, but they distribute to almost a hundred of retail and department stores. There are 12 stores in the local area that carry that particular robe, and none of them have sold any large quantity of them in the past six months, either off the floor or in catalogue sales."  
  
Horatio took over, bringing up a map that pinpointed the area in which the bodies had been found and the victims last seen. "As you can see, our killer is working out of a pretty wide area. From what Alexx has told be, the victims were both killed early in the afternoon and their bodies dumped in the early hours of the next morning. That means that the killer has between 6 and 10 hours to take the victim to his place, kill them, clean them up, take them to the dumping place, and arrange the body. We've estimated the amount of time it would take to completely clean and prepare the bodies at 4 hours, which means that the killer probably doesn't live outside of the following area." He enlarged the map, revealing an area of approximately 20 square miles. "Now, we've found both bodies in the parking lot of a building that has a hair salon in it. Right now, I'm willing to believe that this fact is a part of the killer's MO, so I've plotted all the past and present salons in this area." He pushed a button and about 50 new dots appeared on the screen. "I don't have to tell you that this leaves us too many places to cover looking for our killer to dump the next body, so our focus will have to remain on tracking this guy down with the evidence we've already collected." Everybody sat back in their seats, disappointed. Another dead end. "Now, without further ado, our friends at the FBI have prepared the following profile for us." He passed the copies around to the team. "White male, early thirties to late forties. The degree of planning and meticulous attention to detail implies that he is very intelligent, probably highly educated. Since the victims were basically pressed to death without any bones broken, there is a possibility that this guy has knowledge of anatomy and possibly medical training. In looking at the cleanliness of the victims and the scenes, the profiler thought that the cleaning after death was a type of purification ritual. The person I spoke to is very puzzled by the case-the wig aspect in particular. The appearance of the victim is always important in serial cases, so we know he is looking for petite women in their thirties with long, straight, blonde hair. Our best guess is that the wig might be some kind of fantasy, something he wants from the victim or his way of marking them. The powder could also be some kind of connection between the present murders and whatever it is from the past that he is trying to recreate." He paused, unable to keep the anger out of his voice at the next detail. "One thing is clear, though. We are dealing with someone who has an intimate knowledge of forensics.how to find evidence, and how to cover it up. Whoever this is, they know exactly how we work. They know too much for it to be coincidence. This person is a criminalist. Current or former CSI." 


	8. Chapter 8: All Neccessary Precautions

Cauchemar Part 8: All Necessary Precautions By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
After reviewing the profile, everyone began picking up their files, preparing to go back to work. Horatio leaned over to Calleigh. "Would you mind sticking around for a moment?" he asked. "There's something I want to talk to you about regarding the case."  
  
Calleigh nodded and sat back down, mildly intrigued by Horatio's request. She waited quietly while everyone else left, keeping her attention on Horatio, who had remained standing, watching the others depart. Once the room was empty and the door closed, he turned to her slowly, hesitation in his movements. Calleigh frowned. Horatio was never hesitant-his movements always smacked of the confident, decisive personality that she admired so much in him. Calleigh remained silent, not wanting to interrupt whatever he was thinking in that moment.  
  
Horatio finally looked up and met her inquisitive look with one of discomfort. He wasn't sure how to say this without overstepping the boundaries Calleigh had been so methodical in setting up, but he was bothered by part of profile and needed to share his concerns with her. "Did you notice anything particularly interesting about the profile?" he began.  
  
Calleigh thought for a moment, knowing what was coming. Dread and relief mixed within her as she prepared herself for the oncoming discussion. He had noticed the same thing she had. "I assume you're talking about the fact that I fit the victim's profile and live within the target area." she said bluntly, deciding that bluntness was the best way to move this conversation along quickly.  
  
Horatio nodded and looked away from her, focusing on the map that was still up on the computer screen. He still wasn't sure how to continue this. He turned back to face her, deciding to take his cue from her and be blunt. "I am. I know that you can take care of yourself, Calleigh. I just don't like the idea of a serial killer on the loose anywhere near you."  
  
Calleigh was about to bite out a remark about her ability to protect herself but stopped as she saw the honest concern radiating off Horatio. He wasn't underestimating her, he was just concerned. There was no need to blow this out of proportion. She nodded at him, letting Horatio know that she understood the spirit in which he had made his comments. "I'm taking all necessary precautions." She saw the flash of recognition in his eyes as he placed where he had heard that comment before. Calleigh picked up her folder and left the room before he could say anything else. She had purposely chosen the same exact words she had used to deflect his concern for her safety when Hank Kerner had been after her. She was sending a subtle message to not concern himself with her safety and to keep his attention focused on other matters. Hopefully, he read her loud and clear.  
  
Horatio bit back expletives as Calleigh walked out on him. Did she think that he would just stay out of it when her thought her safety might be at risk? He had understood the message she was sending, but she had another thought coming if she honestly believed that he would sit idly by while she was in danger.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
For the next couple of days, everyone sifted through the evidence they had gathered yet again, reexamining everything in light of the profile. Monday night, they had worked late, setting up an area in one of the labs where they could lay all the facts out and work on theories of how the murders took place, how the bodies were kept so clean, how the victims were moved to the dumping sites without picking up any fresh evidence. The profile was displayed with each characteristic explained in full detail using evidence from the scenes. They also made conjectures to fill in gaps in the profile. They had a board set up with questions and comments like "Has access to medical supplies: gloves, sterile equipment, etc." Another board was dedicated to the victims, how they were selected, every last similarity between the two women listed. Yet another area detailed anything that could be a part of the killer's signature: the wigs, robe, talcum powder and forensic detail were prominent here, and lists of schools and law enforcement agencies with forensic education were listed along with areas of expertise demonstrated by the killer. During spare moments, members of the team would go to the area, looking at the facts and struggling to find some common thread that linked everything together.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wednesday morning, everyone was woken early once again with the discovery of yet another body. Calleigh dragged herself to the crime scene, this time only five miles from her apartment. Last night she had only gotten two hours of sleep after she had stayed up into the early morning walking through her apartment. She was still getting a feeling that something was different or out of place, but every time she looked, everything was precisely where it should be, down to the order of pictures on her shelves to the spread of fashion magazines that littered her coffee table. She had gone so far as to plant items around the house, checking to see if they had been disturbed, but again came up empty. Eventually, Calleigh had decided that lack of sleep and concerns over the serial killer were making her paranoid and went to bed.  
  
The only good thing about having a murder in her backyard was that Calleigh was the first CSI to arrive on the scene. She pulled her kit out of the car, walking over to the body, eyes resting on the girl's wig, a short, retro blonde cut that Calleigh remembered seeing in Cosmo the previous week. Turning her eyes to the woman's face, Calleigh registered a disturbing change in the killer's MO. She pulled on gloves and knelt by the body, leaning over the victim's head to examine the curious bruises that spread out on either side of the mouth. She noticed that there were also lines of moisture trailing down towards the jaw on each side of the face as well. She looked around to see if Alexx had arrived and was grateful to see her walking towards the scene. Calleigh waved at her to get her to come quickly and Alexx obliged, stepping up her tired pace. As soon as she came over, Calleigh pointed out the bruises and lines. "Check these out-what do you make of it?"  
  
Alexx knelt, pulling on gloves and examining the victims face before opening her mouth and looking inside. "I don't know-there's some chips in her back teeth as well. Possibly some kind of bar or restraint was forced into her mouth. Roughly, too, from the bruising around the lips. Those lines you pointed out were made by saliva. This is bizarre. If she is like the previous victims, then she would have been unconscious when she was killed, so there is no need to restrain her head like this. The only reason would be additional brutality."  
  
"But why start now? Why change your MO?" Calleigh questioned out loud.  
  
"Probably to toy with us more," Horatio's voice rang out beside them. Calleigh and Alexx looked up sharply. Horatio continued, "I got here as Alexx was explaining her findings. Maybe the killer decided that we weren't picking up on whatever it was he was trying to say with what little clues he gave us, so he thought he'd up the ante. He's getting arrogant."  
  
Calleigh turned her attention back to the victim. What message is this guy trying to send? There was something about this that was familiar, especially the marks around the mouth, but whatever is was that spoke to her disappeared. It was time to focus on the body and gathering any evidence that might have been left. Horatio was right-the killer was getting more confident, leaving the body in a more populated area where he would have been easier to see. It would only work against him in the future-the less he thought about their ability to catch him, the bigger risks he would take.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scene processed and evidence collected, everyone headed back to the lab to run tests on new samples. The day progressed and the search for new clues continued, but just as with the previous murders, they were left with nothing to run. Days followed and again, the only new information gathered was from the victim's family as they told investigators about another life cut short, of another girl who had done nothing but go out for a walk to meet friends. Alexx finished analyzing the wounds in and around the girl's mouth and came to the conclusion that the killer had forced some kind of bit into the victim's mouth, pushing down hard enough to leave a bruise, chipping her back molars in the process. He had left it there long enough for the lines of spit to work their way down the girl's face. No one could figure out why he had done it, especially since he had not cleaned her face as well, spreading talcum powder over the rest of her body but leaving the area from her cheek bones to her jaw line alone.  
  
Eric worked like a demon on the powder, eliminating possible manufacturers, finishing the list ob Saturday afternoon. He found no match. He couldn't understand-of all the talcum manufacturers he had talked to, no one had been able to claim a product that matched their sample in color, and the scent was still unidentified. He had spent hours trying to find a similar smell, even going to the mall and scouring Bath and Body Works for anything that came close. Calleigh came by at least once a day, sitting with a sample with an introspective look on her face, her eyes looking off in the distance, sifting though memories. She still swore that the scent was familiar, but could never place its origin.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was nearly 11:00 on Sunday night when Horatio came into the trace lab where Calleigh was running some final tests on fiber samples from the robes. She was hoping to find some kind of variance between the samples to see if the killer had purchased them all from the same dye lot or if he had bought them one at a time. She saw him enter and gave him a partial smile, not surprised that he was still working, too. "If you brought coffee with you, you'll be my favorite person for a week, I swear," she joked.  
  
Horatio snorted, a smile appearing and disappearing just as quickly. "I wish, but all I have to offer is a request that you go home and get some sleep. This will still be here tomorrow. Does that rate me favorite person for a day?"  
  
Calleigh gave off a mock sigh and shook her head. Sleep sounded good. "You can be my favorite person for the rest of today, which means you only have." she looked up at the clock, "one hour remaining in your reign. If you want to keep your status after that, it will cost you coffee."  
  
Horatio chuckled, enjoying their banter. If coffee could buy him more easy conversations like this one, then coffee the woman would have. "Just call me Juan Valdez. You'll have a fresh cup on your desk tomorrow morning. For now, finish up what you're doing and go home. You look completely wiped out. Are you getting enough sleep?"  
  
Calleigh nodded absently, grabbing the report that had just printed and scanning it. It distracted her enough that she didn't stop herself from giving him a completely honest answer. "I just have to power down some of the equipment and then I'm gone. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night-I thought someone had been in my apartment and stayed up to check it out." As soon as the words came out of her mouth she realized her mistake. She looked up quickly to see Horatio stiffen in alarm. She tired to backtrack. "Now Horatio, don't jump to conclusions."  
  
He stopped her before she could say another word. "Like what? That you might be this guy's next target? Tell me exactly what is going on, Calleigh, or I swear to God that I won't let you within five feet of your apartment without a police escort." His voice held barely checked anger- anger at Calleigh for not confiding in him, anger because he did not want to admit to the stab of fear that shot through him at her offhand remark.  
  
Calleigh felt the anger rise in herself as well. "Nothing is going on. I thought something was off and when I checked it out, there was nothing wrong. Just my mind playing tricks on me. I probably wouldn't have been bothered at all if it hadn't been for your "you fit the victim profile" routine the other day. I don't need protection, Horatio. There are no monsters hiding under the bed in my apartment. Leave it alone."  
  
"I won't leave it alone. You could be in danger!" he spat out.  
  
"There is nothing that indicates that I'm anywhere on this guy's radar." Calleigh said, meeting Horatio's vehemence and raising her voice in return. "Like I told you before, I'm taking all necessary precautions. He's not going to get anywhere near me. Stop intruding on my life here!"  
  
Horatio was suddenly glad that they were the only two left in the lab. That way, no one else would be around to see this argument. At least they were finally communicating at a level that went beyond the professional or superficial, which Calleigh had continued to hold him at. He continued to push. "Intruding? Is that what you call being a concerned friend? Or have you decided that I can't be your friend anymore either?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You've been keeping me at a polite distance for weeks now, throwing every attempt I make to talk to you back in my face!"  
  
"What do you call this? And lunch last Saturday? And all the times we've worked together? We're talking!"  
  
"Not like we used to. You talk, yes. But you don't say anything. Not anything that lets me see beyond the wall that you've put up between us, at any rate. Why won't you let me in? Why won't you trust me?"  
  
Calleigh froze, unable to answer his question. He was right, she had held him away, but it was only because she wasn't able to bear keeping him close and watching him look right through her. She felt the anger leave her, leaving a tired, numb felling in its wake. She dropped her head and answered, her voice quiet. "I'm sorry if you feel that way. There's nothing else I can say about it. Now I'm tired and want to go to bed. Please excuse me."  
  
Horatio almost cried out in frustration. He had been so close! They were finally getting somewhere and she had just shut down! He knew Calleigh well enough to recognize that she was finished with their conversation, but he couldn't let go of it as quickly. "I don't understand, Calleigh," he said quietly, resignation and regret sounding loud and clear in his tone. "If I did something, then I wish you'd tell me. Or at least let me know how long I'm going to have to do penance."  
  
Calleigh's snapped up, her eyes focused on something far away.penance.penance. she had something, and just as quickly lost it again. What is it about that word? Her focus reverted back to the man in front of her. She shook her head. She needed sleep. She was grateful when Horatio stood aside and let her leave without further comment. She walked down the hall, feeling a little guilty that she had met his concern with anger. She needed to do something to let him know that she wasn't mad at him. Just before she rounded a corner, she turned back toward him, noting with sadness the disappointed slump in his shoulders. "Don't forget the sugar," she said, just loud enough for him to hear. She saw his head come up and a weak smile cross his face. She nodded and then continued walking towards the exit.  
  
Horatio watched her until she was completely out of sight. He knew that the last threads of their conversation had been severed as soon as she had focused on something he couldn't identify. There was nothing left to say, so he had let her go without further comment. He picked up a little when she had turned back to him, and her words brought him a little comfort. Whatever it was that had come between them, she wasn't angry. "Don't forget the sugar," he repeated to himself. "As if I could forget anything about you." But she was too far away to hear his reply. 


	9. Chapter 9: Prime Target

Cauchemar Part 9: Prime Target By koaladeb Disclaimer information in part 1  
  
Calleigh's dreams that night were strange, mixing memories and nightmares until she woke in a cold sweat somewhere around two in the morning. She tried to go back to sleep, but the images she had seen haunted her, robbing her of any peace. There were memories of her childhood in Louisiana, and at first they had been pleasant, beautiful even. She remembered wandering through swamps, searching for hidden treasure with friends, laughing.but in her dream the laughing became evil, sinister and suddenly she was in pain. She couldn't breathe. Everything was dark around her and all she could hear was that laughing. She spent the next few hours tossing and turning, unable to settle back down. She finally admitted defeat and hauled herself out of bed at four the next morning and got ready for a run. The fear that she had experienced so acutely during the night had not left her, though, so she packed up a change of clothes and drove to a track near CSI in order to run instead of staying in the neighborhood. The steady exertion would help clear her mind and heart of the shadows from last night. She would shower and change in the locker room before work.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horatio came into work at six the next morning with two cups of coffee, planning on leaving one for Calleigh as a peace offering to find when she got in. He was surprised to see her car in the parking lot, and when he found her, she was already hard at work, hair still damp from the shower. She looked worse than when he had sent her home last night. He walked up next to her, the aroma of the coffee getting her attention before he had made it to her side.  
  
Calleigh looked up when she smelled the coffee and smiled at the man carrying it. "That's it.you are definitely the favorite person of the day." She took the proffered cup and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes and savoring the heady aroma that filled her senses. Hearing Horatio chuckle, she narrowly opened one eye and looked at him. Seeing that he was fighting to restrain a deeper laugh, she opened her other eye, straightened up and tried to glare at him. "What do you find so funny? Can't a girl enjoy a cup of coffee around here?"  
  
With that, Horatio let loose. She was just too funny, carrying on about the coffee like it was some kind of miracle. He shook his head quickly, controlling his laugh. "I meant to offense. Just glad to see that you approve of my selection."  
  
Calleigh relaxed her offended posture and let him off the hook. She had just been playing anyway. "Who could complain about chocolate raspberry? You remembered the sugar, right?"  
  
Horatio just smiled, glad to have done something right for her for once. "Of course. You look like you could really use the caffeine boost." He decided not to comment further on her haggard appearance, not wanting to reinitiate their argument from the night before.  
  
Calleigh tensed up, then relaxed as she saw that Horatio was going to let her fatigue pass without comment. She just shrugged and sipped her coffee. "Wanted to get an early start. Something you said last night has been bugging me and I want to so some checking."  
  
Horatio was instantly intrigued. "What? I seem to recall saying an awful lot, but nothing specifically about the case. What are you looking for?"  
  
Calleigh hesitated. She didn't want to get his hopes up only to have this turn into another dead end, but he needed to know what was going on. "It's what you said about penance. There's something that is playing at the back of my mind that I can't quite put my finger on. It's probably nothing, but I want to give it a shot."  
  
Horatio nodded. He didn't understand what his comments on their friendship had to do with the case, but he trusted Calleigh's instincts. If there was something there, she would find it. "Ok. Let me know if you come up with anything."  
  
"Will do," Calleigh replied. She turned back to her computer and Horatio walked out of the lab. "Now where was I?" Calleigh said to herself. She entered a few more words into her internet search and waited for results to pop up. Asphyxiation, bruising around the mouth, bit, penance. Her thoughts wandered back to her nightmare from last night. Suddenly, she sat straight up, every last bit of fatigue forgotten as a wave of awareness crashed over her, followed immediately by one of fear. She had it. She knew what he was doing, who he was targeting, but not who he was, and why. All the random details clicked into place as she redirected her search. Quickly navigating internet sites, she found an article that she would need and printed out several copies, summarizing its contents in her head as she raced up the stairs to Horatio's office. They needed to get the team here as soon as possible. She had the key. This was a whole new ballgame.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horatio looked up, concerned, as Calleigh flew into his office. She was agitated, excited, and.scared? He definitely saw fear in her before she collected herself and began to talk, too quickly to be understood. He picked up a smattering of words, "Found it.key.bridle." Horatio put up his hand in a signal for "stop" and interrupted her flow of words. "Calleigh, slow down! I can't understand what you're saying!"  
  
Calleigh took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before letting it out slowly. She could see confusion written clearly on Horatio's features. She was about to begin again when the phone rang. She nodded at Horatio, letting him know that he should pick it up, allowing her more time to collect her thoughts. She didn't listen to his conversation, letting her mind wander back to process her epiphany. She was so lost in thought that she didn't realize Horatio had hung up the phone until he came around the desk and stood in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders and pushing her into a chair. She didn't sit still for long, jumping up and pacing the length of his office before standing in front of him and meeting his eyes.  
  
What he saw there alarmed him. Her eyes contained a clarity and a certainty that she understood exactly what was going on and whatever it was, the revelation rocked her to the core. She began speaking, then stopped. "I know what he's doing-I know what it all means."  
  
Horatio put his hands back on her shoulders, not sure if he wanted to support her or shake her. "And.?" he prompted. "What is it?"  
  
Calleigh met his eyes and saw the deep concern in them. She took another breath, calming herself down before she really scared him. She tried to figure out a good way to say what she needed to, and fumbled for words. "I was thinking about what Alexx said about the bit being there to mark the girl somehow and what you said about penance and." she was interrupted by Speed coming through the door.  
  
Horatio glared at the intruder with an intensity that forced Speed back a few steps and killed the greeting that was about to pass his lips. He looked back and forth between an angry Horatio and an obviously upset Calleigh and immediately backed up further towards the door. "Sorry," he mumbled, "didn't mean to interrupt."  
  
He was almost out the door when Calleigh called him back. "Wait! Speed, get back in here!" She backed away from Horatio, pushing aside his hand when he tried to pull her back towards him. She shook off his concern, letting him know with a glance that she was ok. She looked between Horatio and Speed before continuing. "I might as well fill in everyone at the same time. Can you go get the others and have them meet us in the lab where we have everything set up?"  
  
Speed looked from Calleigh to Horatio, who nodded his agreement. "Sure," he answered, looking back at Calleigh. "Eric walked in the same time as I did and Alexx was only a few feet behind. I'll gather the troops and kick everyone else out. Give me about five minutes." He took in Calleigh's nod of thanks and gave her one in return before leaving the office. On his way down the stairs he shook his head. Horatio just about killed him with that glare. That was the last time he ever went into his office without knocking.  
  
When the door closed, Horatio looked back at Calleigh. "You sure you wouldn't rather just tell me?" he asked, wanting to make it easy on her if telling everyone at once would be too hard.  
  
Calleigh looked over at him, smiling when she realized he was trying to protect her. "I've got nothing to fear from y'all." She said, gathering her bravado. "Come on, we don't want to be late."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When they walked into the lab, everyone was waiting. Horatio grabbed a seat closest to Calleigh, who stood in front of the boards, ready to explain her revelation. He wanted her to feel in control of the briefing, but be close enough to offer support, because he had a feeling that she would need it by the time she was finished.  
  
Calleigh cleared her throat and began. "I asked y'all to come because I think I've figured out the key to these killings and why we're having such a hard time finding evidence to link the victims to the killer. We've approached the case thinking that the killer is from Miami, living and working here, planning his murders here, getting all his supplies ready here. But the killer isn't from Miami. He's from Louisiana. And I think it has something to do with me." Calleigh looked around at the confused looks that appeared on her friend's faces before glancing at Horatio. He looked deadly serious. He had been concerned that she fit the victim profile, it wasn't too big a stretch to allow that she was the intended target. She gathered her courage and kept going. "I know it sounds crazy, but bear with me. We haven't been able to figure out why the victims were pressed to death and then cleaned, like their deaths were some kind of purification. And the marks around the latest victim's mouth-Alexx said it was as though someone had shoved a bit into it. That's exactly what happened." Calleigh passed around the article she had printed from the internet. "When I was a little girl in Louisiana, I had this nightmare one night and when I woke up, I was having trouble breathing, like someone had been kneeling on my chest or something. I told my grandma about it, and she told me that I had been visited by a Cauchemar."  
  
"A what?" Eric asked. "Couch Marshmallow?"  
  
Eric's attempt to lighten the mood earned him a weak smile. "A Cauchemar. A spirit, presence, ghost, sometimes, thought to be a witch. A Cauchemar visits a person in their sleep and sits on them, restricting their breathing and rendering the person unable to cry out for help. It's thought that if you don't wake up from the attack, you could die. Superstition dictates that a Cauchemar visit might be a punishment or a warning against wrongdoing."  
  
"So what does this have to do with the marks around the mouth?" Alexx asked.  
  
"The Cauchemar superstition is related to the concept of witch-riding. Have any of you heard about that?" She saw Horatio nodding his head. "In witch-riding, a witch uses her victim like a horse, riding him or her around in the night when they are asleep. The signs of that attack are pain in the mouth and spit lines down the face from the bridle."  
  
"How is it that you know about this and we've never hear of it before?" Horatio asked quietly.  
  
"It's not talked about very openly. It's thought that if you talk about Cauchemar, you encourage your own visit from them. Besides, it's kind of an old superstition. It wasn't even that well-known in Darnell, but my Grandma was from Lafayette, where it's bigger. Kind of like a localized Louisiana boogeyman"  
  
Horatio nodded. "Your hypothesis explains some of the details behind the killing ritual, but I don't see what this has to do with you specifically."  
  
Calleigh frowned. "I know it seems like a stretch, but it has to do with some of the other details. Eric, do you have that powder sample handy?" He tossed a small bottle to Calleigh and she took a whiff, finally able to place the smell. "The reason you couldn't find the manufacturer is because it's homemade in West Cornell County, Louisiana. My mom used to buy bottles of this stuff for me when I was a little girl at the county fair. The scent is Louisiana blue iris. Iris Giganticaerula, I think is its technical name. I can probably find a spare bottle of it at my apartment somewhere for you to run a comparison."  
  
"You could be wrong. It could be a coincidence." Horatio was playing devil's advocate. He knew that Calleigh wouldn't present him with a far- out explanation, but a part of him didn't want to believe that she was a target.  
  
"It could be," Calleigh admitted, "but I really doubt it. West Cornell fairs weren't exactly big draws for tourists. You'd have to be a local to know about this stuff. We have here a person who targets women who look like me, a killing ritual that utilizes details of a little-known Louisiana superstition, a powder that has connections to my childhood. Add to that the whole wig thing and it's too many coincidences to ignore."  
  
"I feel like I've just missed something," Alexx admitted. "What do the wigs have to do with you?"  
  
"I've made no secret of my interest in doing something different with my hair." Calleigh stated. "I remember looking at the first victim when we found her and thinking that I had just decided to cut my hair like that, but I had only made half-hearted attempts to find another style since then. All the wigs match hairstyles that I've thought about and earmarked in magazines."  
  
Horatio latched on to the last detail. "You earmarked them in magazines. How did this guy know which ones you were looking at?"  
  
Calleigh looked over at Horatio, spreading her hands to indicate her confusion on that detail. "I don't know. I've been carrying a bunch around with me at work, going to lunch. I've talked about it with a lot of people. Maybe I left a magazine behind at a restaurant one day and he found it? He probably thought it would be great opportunity to put a finishing touch on staging a crime scene."  
  
Silence settled over the room for a moment as everyone thought over all that Calleigh had said. "Do you know who it is doing this?" Eric asked, breaking the silence and asking the question on everyone's minds.  
  
Calleigh sighed. With all she had put together, this was the one detail that was most glaringly absent. "I haven't got a clue." She answered honestly. "When I left home for college, I changed my last name to my mother's maiden name, so the idea that someone out of my past is out to get me doesn't make sense either way. If it was someone I knew as a kid, they shouldn't have found me here, and if it was someone that I put away either in New Orleans or here, they shouldn't have been able to find out anything about my childhood. Just in case, I'm going to be putting in a call to the New Orleans PD to see if there is anyone I put away has gotten out recently, but I spent most of my time there in the lab, not out doing field work. And I can't think of anyone that I put away that was sick enough to do something like this."  
  
Horatio stood up. If Calleigh couldn't give them a name, they would just have to fill in the blanks themselves. "We need to get to work on this," he said. "Eric, you and Speed work the wig and robe angle again. We searched all of Miami, now I want you to try Louisiana. Start with Darnell and any major cities around it." He turned and looked at Calleigh. "You'll work with New Orleans to go over case files, but right now I want to come with me back to my office so we can discuss how we're going to keep you safe."  
  
Everyone left, determined to get information immediately. If this guy was after Calleigh, there was no telling when he would stop killing substitutes and go after his real target. And there was no way in hell they were going to let this guy get his hands on Calleigh. 


	10. Chapter 10: Breaking Point

Cauchemar Part 10: Breaking Point By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
Calleigh and Horatio walked back up to his office in silence, each postponing what was sure to be a blowout until they were in private. As soon as the door to Horatio's office closed, Calleigh threw back her shoulders and drew her self up to her full height, ready to put up a good fight. There was no way she was going to let Horatio coddle her like some kind of helpless woman.  
  
They squared off, Horatio starting the conversation. "I want someone with you at all times. You are not to go anywhere alone or without notifying me or someone else first. We're also going to get some kind of police protection for you. And you're not going back to your apartment. You'll stay with me."  
  
"Unacceptable," Calleigh answered. "I'm not a kindergartener, Horatio. I don't have to ask permission every time I need to go somewhere or be required to use the buddy system. As for where I stay, my apartment is perfectly fine. I'm not moving in with you or anyone else just because you think it's in my best interest."  
  
"This is about more than your best interest," Horatio replied. "This is about your life, which happens to be at risk because there is a serial killer out there who is going to come after you."  
  
"He hasn't so far. He hasn't done anything that would imply that he's going to, either. Maybe he's not after me specifically. Maybe I'm connected to this but I'm not the real target."  
  
"I believe that just about as much as I believe that Castro is an altruistic benefactor," Horatio spat out. "All you have to do is look at any one of the victims to know this guy wants you dead. I'm not going to let you out that door without some kind of protection."  
  
"You're not going to let me do anything." Calleigh snapped back. "This is my life, Horatio, and I think that the final say in how I live it belongs to me."  
  
"Not when you're making decisions that put your life at risk," Horatio said, his voice rising. "Think about it Calleigh, You yourself said last night that you felt something was off in your apartment. What if he's been there? How else would he know about the haircuts? Breaking in to your apartment and checking the magazines there is a much more feasible explanation then you leaving one lying around somewhere that he happened to find."  
  
"There is no proof that anyone was ever in my apartment," Calleigh responded, her voice rising to match Horatio's. "I told you that last night. I would know."  
  
"Would you?" Horatio challenged. Last night he had been satisfied with Calleigh's assertion that no one had been in her apartment, but that was when her status as a possible victim was a remote possibility. Now that he knew she was this guy's primary target he wasn't satisfied with her flimsy assurances. "He's made it pretty clear that he's capable of committing a murder without leaving any evidence behind. What makes you think that breaking and entering would be any different?"  
  
Calleigh stood still, fists clenched at her side. Horatio had never doubted her instincts or abilities before, and his lack of confidence in her judgement was like a slap in the face. "We're getting nowhere here. I think that we should contact the local police and get their input before we continue. They might have an opinion on the matter too."  
  
Horatio nodded curtly. She had a point. It was useless to keep going around in circles without knowing how much protection the police were willing to offer. He motioned towards the chairs as he walked behind his desk and picked up the phone and placed a call. He wasn't too surprised to see Calleigh chose to remain standing. Sitting in front of his desk with him behind it gave up too much power.  
  
Calleigh watched as whoever Horatio was talking to fought her battle for her. Horatio was growing increasingly angry as he realized that the police were not going to offer the kind of protection he thought Calleigh needed. She suspected it was going to be like this, that's why she suggested the phone call. All they had was a theory and circumstantial evidence to support it. They had no clue who the killer was and no concrete connection that tied him to Calleigh. After a great deal of yelling, Horatio slammed the phone down. He gave her an accusatory glance. "You knew this was going to happen."  
  
Calleigh shrugged, keeping her expression neutral. "I guessed. Saves us some arguing, anyway. What did they offer?"  
  
Horatio wavered between anger, concern, frustration, and defeat. "A patrol car doing a cursory search of your neighborhood every half hour. If we get anything concrete, like a name or a specific threat against you, you'll get a car outside your apartment at all times and an escort to and from work. It's not enough. I'd bet my life that he knows where you live, but I won't bet yours that he doesn't."  
  
"It's not your choice." Calleigh was adamant. "Even if he does know where I live, he doesn't know that we're on to him yet. Right now, he thinks he is in control, and that is how it's going to stay. We know too much and too little to tip our hand. If I move out, he'll know we suspect something. I'll be safe with a patrol car."  
  
"Just because he hadn't attacked you or made a threat doesn't mean that you're not going to be his next target," Horatio answered, voice rising again. "If you won't stay somewhere else, then you will have someone stay with you. No arguments."  
  
Calleigh's eyes narrowed as she considered Horatio's demand. How much was she willing to fight him on this? She didn't like the idea of being a target, but Calleigh knew she was right about the message it would send if she stopped staying in her apartment. At the same time, it would probably be in her best interest to have some backup with her should the killer decide to put in an appearance. But even though Horatio said that "someone" needed to stay with her, he probably intended to take the role of protector himself. That wouldn't do. Horatio in her apartment? Sleeping one room away from her? Before their recent problems, Calleigh would have jumped at the idea, her only concern that having him so close would cause her to internally combust. But now, with the tension and anger that had come between them, Calleigh was worried that any prolonged confrontation with Horatio would destroy them both. As she considered her answer, the phone rang. Horatio picked up. "Horatio," he snapped.  
  
Calleigh could recognize the voice from across the room. Yelina. "Someone woke up grumpy," she heard her say. "Just checking to make sure we're on for tonight." Calleigh was not about to stand here and listen to them make plans for a date. She turned around and started to leave.  
  
Horatio asked Yelina to hold on for a moment and called out to Calleigh. "Where do you think you're going? We're not through here."  
  
Calleigh turned back around. "Yes we are. Go ahead and finish making you plans for tonight. I'll be doing the same. I accept your condition and I'll make sure someone is in my apartment with me. I'm sure Eric or Speed is free." That said she left Horatio's office, closing the door behind her.  
  
Horatio bit back the urge to yell at her to get back in his office. He was planning on staying with her himself, but Yelina's phone call along with Calleigh's ire killed that idea quickly. Gathering his composure, he picked up the phone again. "Sorry, Yelina," he said. "You caught me at a bad time."  
  
"So I gather," she said, chuckling. "I know you're under a lot of pressure with this killer out there loose, but you promised that you would make these family dinners a priority. I let you slide last week, but missing again tonight isn't acceptable."  
  
Horatio was torn. He had promised to be there for the dinners and some quality time with Ray J. And he had missed last week to work on the case. But Calleigh was in trouble, and he wouldn't be able to focus on anything else until she was safe. He wavered for a moment, considering his own emotions and Calleigh's, then offered a compromise. "I know. How about I come over for dinner but leave early? I want to be there and spend time with you and Ray J, but I need to get back to work on this as soon as I can."  
  
"Deal." He finished making plans for the time and said goodbye. Now he had to track Calleigh back down and finish laying down some rules.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horatio tracked Calleigh to trace, where she was helping Speed make phone calls to track down the distributor or department store that had sold the robes. He stepped in and was about to ask Speed to give them a moment, but Calleigh stopped him. "There's nothing left to discuss, Horatio," she said, preempting him. "I've accepted your condition. Speed and Eric are alternating nights on my couch. I'm not going to be home alone. Case closed."  
  
Horatio controlled his anger to avoid a scene in front of Speed and the other lab workers. "No it isn't, Calleigh, because that killer is still out there. And until we've caught him, I need be sure that you're safe."  
  
"I am safe. I spend almost every waking moment here or at a crime scene, surrounded by police. I doubt that whoever this is would be bold enough to grab me out of CSI. When I go home, I will be accompanied by either Speed or Eric. You already set up a patrol car to keep an eye on the neighborhood. There's nothing else that can be done. Every precaution, remember? We need to stop arguing about this and get to work identifying this guy before he kills another innocent bystander."  
  
Horatio didn't want to admit defeat, and they both knew it. But Calleigh was right again. They did need to get back to work and arguing over the specifics of her protection was keeping them from identifying who it was doing this. He dropped his head for a moment, signaling a hold on the conversation. He took a couple of seep breaths and looked up again. "This is tabled, for now. Speed and Eric are both going home with you early tonight to look for any evidence that he has been in your apartment. I'll be stopping by later to continue this discussion and to help search. I'll take the first shift tonight and the Speed/Eric rotation can begin tomorrow. That's final."  
  
Calleigh scowled and nodded her assent. It was the best offer Calleigh was going to get, and she knew it. She should have known better than to think that Horatio would let go of her slip yesterday about feeling that something was off in her apartment. Besides, it was time to put and end to the semi-public display that had just occurred. They were getting looks from about half a dozen lab workers. Horatio glared around at everyone, and one by one they went back to work.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
That night, Calleigh went home with Eric, spent after her long day. She had cracked the case, become a target, fought with Horatio, and then come up empty on her search for a name. Her former boss in New Orleans had searched their records, but had not come up with any possible suspects. Calleigh checked her watch. Speed was going to meet up with her and Eric as soon as he picked up the pizza they had ordered before leaving work. When they walked in the front door, Calleigh again had a sense of not-quite- rightness. It was as though someone had been there moments before. She shook it off as nerves and opened the door wider for Eric to follow. They set their kits down in the living room and Calleigh set about welcoming her guest. "Would you like anything to drink?" she offered.  
  
Eric shook his head, looking around the living room. "Nah. Speed's picking up sodas along with the pizza. We might as well get started. What do you want to look for?"  
  
Calleigh sighed. Eric was serious about looking for evidence that their killer had been in her apartment. Speed probably would too. She knew that Horatio had been up to no good when he had spoken to them earlier. He probably read them the riot act. She shrugged and looked around the room. "How about we dust the photo frames and the picture albums. If this guy knows me from Louisiana, he might look there for some kind of connection."  
  
Eric nodded and they got down to work. Thirty minutes later the doorbell rang. It was Speed with the food. Calleigh called for a break and the three friends sat in the kitchen and dove in. Eric caught Speed up on what they had done so far.  
  
"We dusted all the photos and the outside of the picture albums. So far, all we've gotten is some of Calleigh's fingerprints." He looked over at Calleigh. "Why is Horatio so sure that we'll find something here?"  
  
Calleigh let out some of her frustration. "Because I made some random comment about thinking there was something off about my apartment and he took it to need the guy had been here. Honestly, I keep telling him that I've checked it out and nothing is out of place, but he just won't listen to me!"  
  
Speed shook his head. "H is worried about you. We all are. We have no clue who this guy is or why he's doing this. And we don't want anything bad to happen to you. It'd be hell to try to find someone to replace you around the lab"  
  
Calleigh laughed and tried to relax. "I know. Thanks guys."  
  
Eric smiled and attempted to change the subject. "So tell me, Calleigh, is there any part of this superstition that tells you how to avoid Cauchemar?"  
  
"Sure," Calleigh replied, smiling at the distraction. "You can put salt under your pillow, or place beans under your bed in circle. There's also the broom in the corner, screen in the window tactic, sleeping on your stomach, and, of course, prayers before bedtime."  
  
Eric laughed. "Beans in a circle under the bead? You might want to try that."  
  
"No thank you," Calleigh replied. "It may keep Cauchemar away, but it would sure be an open invitation for insects and other critters that I dislike even more." The all had a good laugh. "I'm done here. How about I check the bathroom for prints and try to find that powder for a comparison while you guys finish the pizza, ok?"  
  
The guys nodded and Calleigh headed off for the other end of her apartment. She heard them talking in the kitchen and smiled when she heard Eric laugh at something Speed said. As long as she was being forced to print and search her won apartment, she might as well organize the stuff under the bathroom sink that had escaped her attention during her cleaning spree. She sorted through bottles and jars, dusting for prints, finding nothing, and putting everything back in a more organized fashion. At the back of the cabinet she found what she was looking for. The jar of talcum powder was half empty, but still had plenty in it. She looked at the jar, remembering the county fairs and how fun they had been. She opened the jar and inhaled the scent of her childhood, enjoying a few minutes of peace before closing it and bringing it to the other room. She handed the jar to Eric. "This should be plenty. Save some for me when you're through, ok?"  
  
He smiled and took the jar, placing it by his kit. When he was finished, he was going straight back to the lab to confirm that it was the same powder as what they had found on their victims. The three friends continued fingerprinting, looking at everything that someone might pick up or touch, and by ten that night they hadn't found anything useful. Calling it a night, Eric packed up his kit and headed for the door. "I guess you were right after all, Calleigh." He said. "He hasn't been here." Calleigh smiled and let him out, waiting until he got into his car before closing the door. It was almost shut when she heard a car enter the parking lot. She opened the door again, seeing Horatio's hummer pull in. She waited in the doorway until he started up the steps of her porch then swung the door open for him.  
  
"Come on in and join the party." She said.  
  
Horatio followed her into the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind him. "Was that Eric I saw leaving?" He asked.  
  
"Yes," Calleigh answered. "We finished printing everything in sight. He took a jar of talc back to the lab to run some tests."  
  
Horatio nodded and greeted Speed, who immediately stood and went over to his kit. "If you're here, I guess I'll be on my way out." He said. He began packing up his stuff.  
  
Calleigh offered Horatio a drink, and he accepted, asking for some water. Calleigh opened up the refrigerator for the first time that night to grab a bottle. What she saw made her freeze. On the shelf right in front of her face rested a freshly-cut Louisiana blue iris.  
  
Horatio noticed her stiffen and walked over to see what she was staring at. When he saw the flower, he called Speed over to the kitchen. Horatio took a napkin off the counter and picked up the iris. There was a note attached, which simply read "For my wildflower queen." Speed started dusting the note while Calleigh excused herself and went into the living room. Horatio followed her with his eyes, but he stayed in the kitchen with Speed, placing another call to the police.  
  
When the med came back into the living room, Calleigh looked up. Speed looked excited, Horatio was deceptively calm. She looked over at Speed, asking silently what he had found. "A fingerprint," he said, excitement over the new break reflected in his voice. "I'm going to the lab right now to run it though the system." Calleigh nodded and motioned for Horatio to sit while she walked Speed out. She passed Speed a piece of paper with a name on it as she opened the door. He looked at the paper and nodded, silently promising to run it against the print. Calleigh locked the door behind him and turned again to the living room and one tightly coiled Horatio Caine.  
  
"I called the police." He said as Calleigh took a seat across from him. "They'll have a car here within the hour. Until then, we need to talk some more. Does the note make any sense to you?"  
  
Calleigh laughed bitterly. "Nothing much makes sense to me anymore, but yes, I understood what it meant. I gave Speed the name before he left." She looked up to see Horatio waiting for her to explain. "My childhood nickname was wildflower. The only people who called me that were family and this kid named Trevor Wilson. I grew up with him. He came from old money, my mother loved him. Anyway, he asked me to prom my senior year of high school. The year I was prom queen. I told him that I couldn't go with him. I had already made plans to go with a friend of mine-a great guy who was smart and sensitive. The only problem was that he was black. My dad didn't understand, he actually slapped me when he found out. My mom just cried and asked why I would do this to her, why I wouldn't go with Trevor. He was a jerk, Horatio, always rubbing his family name and family fortune in everyone's face, acting like he owned the world and everyone in it. He didn't take my refusal too lightly. After prom, Casey, the guy I went with, was walking me back home when Trevor and a bunch of his friends jumped us. Trevor held me down while his friends beat up Casey. They would have killed him if someone hadn't stopped and chased them off. We filed charges against them the next morning. Trevor got probation because he didn't participate in the beating, he just restrained me. Also, he gave the DA the names of his friends who had helped in his little "lesson." Afterwards, he just cracked up. His family sent him to a hospital in Lafayette. I left home shortly after and haven't thought of it since."  
  
Horatio listened quietly. He could understand why Calleigh hadn't thought of him when she had pieced the other facts together. She hadn't seen or heard from this guy in over a decade and suddenly he shows up, killing innocent people and intruding into her life. It didn't make any sense. He only had one question left. "Why the iris?"  
  
"It's the state wildflower of Louisiana. Always been a favorite of mine."  
  
"Why? I always figured you for the steel magnolia type."  
  
"Nah, refined and stately was never my style. Now the iris.that was me. Rugged, unpretentious, its true home is in the swamps, but it's strong enough to thrive anywhere."  
  
Horatio couldn't help the smile. It fit her perfectly. Beautiful, delicate, but with a hidden strength and determination. Their moment of peace was about to end, though. This Wilson guy had sent a clear message to Calleigh. All bets were now off and it was time to take some additional measures to ensure that he couldn't get to her. "Calleigh," he said, getting her attention. "It's time for you to go someplace else. You should stay with me tonight, I don't want you staying where he can find you." He saw the explosion coming a mile away.  
  
Calleigh's eyes narrowed, the only visible sign of the battle to come. "You don't want.this isn't your decision. Like I told you before, I'm staying. There is no way that I am going to run in fear of a scum like Trevor Wilson."  
  
"He's killed three people, Calleigh!" Horatio exclaimed. "And I'll be damned if you're going to be the fourth!"  
  
Calleigh stood up from the couch and faced Horatio, furious. "I repeat. This is not your decision. I'm not some damsel in distress that needs rescuing from the big bad guy. I'm fully capable of protecting myself."  
  
That was the final straw for Horatio. "I don't know what's been up with you recently Calleigh," he said, standing to face her, "but I'm tired of this independent act you've been pulling recently. This has more to do with you not wanting to be around me than with your own safety. I've asked you before and I'm asking you again-why do you keep pushing me away?"  
  
Calleigh tried to act innocent, unwilling to delve into this topic with Horatio. "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't been doing anything of the sort."  
  
"Don't play that game with me," Horatio shot back. "It's been going on for weeks, probably longer but I just didn't see it. Haven't you seen me trying to reach out? Every time I try to get more personal than case files and superficial pleasantries you slam the door in my face."  
  
It was suddenly too much. Calleigh had finally reached her breaking point and she could no longer control the words that she had bit back for the past two months. "Fine," she said bitterly. "You want to know? I was just playing by the rules you set up two months ago. What do you think you were doing to me when you went off pursuing Yelina like she was some kind of siren? You didn't have the time of day for anyone else. I depended on you-for encouragement, for sanity, to keep my demons at bay. You were my rock, Horatio, and suddenly you were unavailable."  
  
"Well I'm available now."  
  
"Yeah? For how long, Horatio?"  
  
"For as long as you need me."  
  
"No, for as long as you decide I'm worth your time or until you have something or someone better to focus your attention on. I'm tired of you deciding when and how we relate to each other. It's second nature, I suppose, for you to have all the power in a relationship. But that's not how I operate. It's not enough for me anymore. I won't be cast aside and then picked up again like some toy that you feel like playing with when it suits you. I have my own needs, and if I can't depend on you to be there for me when I need you, then I'm going to damn well make sure that I won't need you to be."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Horatio asked, not able to repress the cold shock that went through him with Calleigh's last comment.  
  
"Wake up, Horatio," Calleigh answered, too wrapped up in letting her feelings loose to notice how her words were affecting Horatio. "That change you've been talking about? That was me, learning to stand on my own two feet and not leaning on you. Because that's what it was-dependence. And it was mutual, up until the point when you decided that you didn't need me anymore. Well guess what? I don't need you anymore, either. I learned that I don't need you to be my rock for me, I don't need you to be my mentor, looking out for the potholes in the road and walking me over them, because my eyes are open and I can see them for myself now. You don't have to hold my hand for me anymore, Horatio."  
  
"But what if I want to? What if I want you to depend on me, and me on you?"  
  
"You don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have pulled away from me like you did. I think that it will be liberating for you, Horatio, to not be tied down by me anymore. And there's no question in my mind that you won't miss depending on someone else. But I could be wrong. If you miss it so much, you should try exploring the concept with your girlfriend."  
  
"Yelina is not my girlfriend." Horatio stated matter-of-factly, not sure why Calleigh had brought up Yelina at all.  
  
"Oh, Sorry. Did you two get engaged somewhere along the way and decide that no one was important enough to announce it to?" Calleigh couldn't help the sarcasm that escaped her.  
  
Horatio decided to put an end to this digression, once and for all. "No, we decided that we were better off staying friends. God-she's dating someone over in vice now and I couldn't be happier for her. What does that have to do with you not talking to me? Why haven't we been able to get our friendship back the way it was?" He steered the conversation back to its original focus: Calleigh's distance.  
  
Calleigh remained silent for a moment, absorbing the shock of Horatio's announcement. So he wasn't dating Yelina anymore. Great for him. But it still didn't make up for the fact that he had tossed her aside as though she were nothing to him. She took a deep breath and answered, fatigue evident in her hushed voice. "Because I can't go back to who I was, Horatio. I can't leave my heart out in the open waiting for you to come and take care of it for me. You hurt me, Horatio, and I'm tired of being hurt."  
  
Horatio stared at her, unsure how to answer in the face of her brutal honesty. Calleigh continued. "I think its time for you to go. The police will be here any minute and I'll be safe with them outside. I'll let you out." She went to the front door and unlocked it, pulling it wide for him to exit.  
  
He didn't want to leave her alone, but he was afraid that continuing their argument would only hurt Calleigh more. He was still in too much shock to figure out what had just happened. And whatever it was, Calleigh looked almost broken. He felt his own heart constrict at the pain he saw in her eyes. Pain that he had placed there. He slowly walked out the door, noticing the police cruiser pulling up across the street. Turning to look at her, Horatio took her small hand in his own. "I don't want to lose you." He said it quietly, his fear choking the words even as he said them.  
  
Calleigh pulled her hand out of his, missing its warmth as soon as she did so. She felt a tear run down her cheek as she answered. "You lost me weeks ago; you just didn't care enough to see it." 


	11. Chapter 11: Interventions

Cauchemar Part 11: Interventions By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
A/N: The final lines from Alexx and Calleigh in this fic were not written by me. I have adapted them from a fic on yahoo groups by Dee Dumaurier and am using them here with her permission-you'll understand why.they were just too perfect to pass up. Her story, called "A Talk with Toby" can be found at the JoshDonnaFF group (West Wing), message #16942  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horatio didn't feel like sleeping when he left Calleigh's apartment. He went to the office instead, determined to find out every last piece of information he could about this Trevor Wilson. He walked to the labs first, deciding to check in with Eric and Speed. "What do you have for me?" he asked.  
  
Speed and Eric checked with each other, figuring out who would go first. Eric stepped up. "I ran that check on the powder Calleigh gave me is the closest we've come to a match. The samples came from different lots, but I can tell you that it's the same maker."  
  
Horatio nodded, looking over the printed report. "And you?" he looked up at Speed.  
  
"Calleigh gave me a name. We confirmed the print belongs to a man named Trevor Wilson.he's"  
  
Horatio interrupted. "I know. Calleigh told me about him too. You got his file?" Speed handed Horatio a printout. "Good work, you guys. I'm going to look these over. You to go home and get some rest, ok?"  
  
The guys nodded and began gathering their belongings. "Pardon me for asking," Speed started. "But weren't you going to stay with Calleigh tonight?"  
  
Horatio didn't look up from Wilson's file. "There's a uniform at her apartment and she made it clear that he was more than sufficient. Good night."  
  
Reading Horatio's signal to back off, Speed and Eric left without further comment. Horatio leaned back against a table and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on. Pushing off from the table, he went upstairs to his office and spread the file out on his desk, pulling some Tylenol from a desk drawer. If Calleigh wouldn't let him be with her in person to protect her from this guy, he was just going to have to work behind the scenes. He fought off the memories of their argument and focused on the papers in front of him. Calleigh's physical safety came first. Once she was safe, he would delve more into what had just happened in her apartment.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Alexx found Horatio still at his desk the following morning. She closed the door behind her loudly to get his attention. "What can I do for you, Alexx?" he asked.  
  
"You can tell me what is gong on between you and Calleigh." She answered.  
  
"I don't understand," Horatio replied, leaning back in his chair.  
  
Alexx sat down in a chair, facing him head on. "I'm talking about you up here all night looking like you've lost your best friend and Calleigh down in the lab just looking lost, period."  
  
Horatio closed his eyes and dropped he head a little. "It's not important. Right now, we're trying to focus on getting a killer off the streets."  
  
Alexx reached over and tilted Horatio's head back up, forcing him to look at her. "It is important if you and Calleigh lose yourselves and each other in the process. What good will it do save her life but lose what you have together?"  
  
Horatio smiled bitterly. "According to Calleigh, I lost her weeks ago. Maybe you can explain what she meant. What exactly have I been missing around here?"  
  
Alexx frowned. She could see now what had happened. They finally had it out and now both of them were hurting. She didn't know who to be more mad at. Calleigh for rebuffing Horatio's attempts to reconnect with her or Horatio for chasing off after Yelina and causing the problem in the first place. Blame didn't matter right now, though. She had two friends in pain and that needed to be addressed first. "I can't tell you what she meant," she answered Horatio. "At least, not with a little more context."  
  
Horatio let himself smile a little. Alexx was a great person to talk to. She would listen, ask questions, and either give advice or leave you with enough questions to figure it out for yourself. He opened up to her, talking about his realization that he had been pushing everyone away, his attempts to rekindle friendships, and how everyone had been receptive except Calleigh. He talked about his frustration as she help him off at a polite distance and refused to let him into her confidence, her stubborn refusals to let him help her. "What am I supposed to do, Alexx?" he finished. "If she won't let me close enough to see what it was I did that hurt her, how am I supposed to fix it?"  
  
Alexx sat quietly for a moment, considering the best way to handle this. "It's not up to you to fix this," she started. "No one has the right to meddle with another person's heart. Let me ask you some things though. She looked up and Horatio indicated that she go ahead. "You said that you and Calleigh were connected and balanced each other before. What did you mean?"  
  
Horatio thought, then answered. "We just seemed to know what the other person needed," he began. "She knew when I was hurting and didn't want to talk about it. She wouldn't make any kind of comment or display of sympathy, she would just be there with me, you know? I knew that she was there and she understood and it eased my burden. And I think it was the same for her. We talked about it a little after Janet was killed. I could tell she was in pain, and I went to her apartment. We didn't talk about it, we just ended up watching some old movies on tv and sitting together. When I left she thanked me for understanding and making it easier for her. I used to be able to know what she was feeling, sometimes even what she was thinking. There were times when it was just the two of us in a room, connected and working as one. Now, whenever we come close to that, she shuts down and blocks all my attempts to get close to her."  
  
"That was quite and explanation," Alexx chuckled. Horatio had to laugh too. Obviously, he had put way too much thought into this. "Answer me this: you said Calleigh shut down and that she was blocking you. You think this connection is still there?"  
  
"I hope it is," Horatio said. "I know my end is open. And I'm pretty sure she's aware of it, otherwise she wouldn't be fighting me so hard."  
  
"New question," Alexx said. "How much work did you have to put into creating this bond the first time around?"  
  
"None," Horatio replied automatically. "It just happened. We connected. We never had to really try before."  
  
"Ok. Now, do you have that kind of friendship with anyone else? Me, or Eric, or Speed?"  
  
"No. I mean, I know we're there for each other and we respect and like each other, but I don't have that kind of connection with any of you."  
  
"That's right. You're not emotionally invested in us the way you are with Calleigh. And she's not invested like that the way she was with you." Alexx leaned back, wondering if Horatio grasped what she was saying. He didn't disappoint.  
  
"You said was." Horatio commented, frowning. "What changed?"  
  
"I'm going to make a couple of observations here and then leave you alone to think," Alexx said. "You talked with me after you broke up with Yelina about how "Love shouldn't be this hard." You put all your energy into your relationship with her. You tried to create a relationship where you could depend on each other. And I think that was right. You should have that kind of connection with your partner in life. And whether you knew it or not, you were trying to create the kind of connection you had with Calleigh with her. In order to do it, you pulled away from everyone else. We all saw it, and Calleigh felt it most of all. She understood what it meant, so she let you go, Horatio. She respected what she saw was your desire to form a lasting relationship with someone else and she released you from your connection to her. But that left her out there by herself with no one to hold on to, so she started depending on herself to get though everything. It was a huge change for her Horatio, and one that hurt her a lot! Think about how you're feeling right now and then multiply it a few times. You may only have noticed this in the past couple of weeks, but Calleigh's felt it for the past two and a half months."  
  
Horatio sat, thinking. Alexx was right about a lot of things, and it would take some time to process everything she had said. Alexx seemed to realize this, so she stood up to leave. "One more thing," she said, walking towards the door. "You might want to consider what it means when your bond with Calleigh was so effortless while you couldn't form anything with Yelina. Even when you brought your considerable will into play." Horatio nodded, still silent.  
  
Alexx walked out and headed down stairs. One blind fool down, one self- deceiving fool to go. She found her target in the ballistics lab. "Calleigh!" she greeted. "Just the person I was looking for!"  
  
Calleigh turned and faced Alexx. She had spent another night wavering between fear and regret. Just when she thought she was over Horatio, she found new depths of disappointment and pain. "Hi Alexx," she responded noncommittally. "What can I do for you?"  
  
Alexx rolled her eyes. Same greeting, same problem. "You can come walk with me. I have a few things to say to you."  
  
Calleigh shrugged and got up to follow Alexx. When they got to the autopsy theater, Alexx wrapped Calleigh in a hug and said, "I know you and H had a fight last night. Let it out."  
  
Calleigh hugged the woman back but no tears fell. She had used them up the night before. Today, the resulting numbness was her greatest ally. "I'm through crying Alexx," she said. "You're right. We had it out. And now I think we'll both move on."  
  
Alexx pulled back and looked at her friend. "Oh, honey," she said, "you couldn't be more wrong. All I have to do is look at either one of you and I know that you two aren't going anywhere but the land of denial."  
  
Calleigh gave off a half-smile and shoved Alexx gently. "Give me a break. There was a process involved. I'm good to go here."  
  
"No, you're not," Alexx replied, "And neither is he." Calleigh started to walk away, no longer wishing to discuss what was happening, but Alexx pulled her back. "Look, you don't have to agree with what I'm about to say, but I want you to listen to me anyway."  
  
Calleigh relented and looked silently into Alexx's eyes. "He hurt you, yes. But he didn't know what he was doing, and you know that. He made a mistake. He's been trying to reach out to you again and that should count for something."  
  
"I know he is," Calleigh said quietly. "But only as a friend. And that's not enough for me anymore. I can't be in love with him and have him look right through me anymore. I don't think that I can let myself give him the power to hurt me like that again."  
  
"It's your decision to make," Alexx said. "But make sure it is one that you will be able to live with. And I think that you're not giving Horatio enough credit. He knows that what you to have goes beyond friendship, he just hasn't figured out how far is goes yet. But he will in time, Calleigh, so you need to figure out what it is that you want. If you decide that you don't want that deep a connection with Horatio, that's one thing. But you shouldn't let fear rob you of happiness. I would hate to see you give up on what could be the greatest joy of your life because you were afraid of getting hurt."  
  
"He'll never see me like that," Calleigh replied. "That much I've learned in the past few months. If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now. He's already moved on with his life, so I'm going to keep on moving ahead with mine." Calleigh walked towards the door, having said her piece.  
  
"It's too late to move on, you know," Alexx called out to her friend. "It doesn't really matter if anything happened between you and Horatio or not. It already happened in your heart."  
  
Calleigh stopped, her hand on the door. "Hearts can be broken, Alexx," she said without looking back. "You can crack them open and empty them of everything. If you have to." She walked out, letting the door close silently behind her. 


	12. Chapter 12: Suprise!

Cauchemar Part 12: Surprise! By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
Calleigh spent the rest of the morning in a lab holed up with Valera. For once, Calleigh didn't mind the girl's attachment, since she herself was not up to making a great deal of conversation. She let Valera chat on, nodding at appropriate moments and making monosyllabic replies while her mind wandered. She hadn't lied to Alexx. When she had started her process of independence she had broken open her heart and begun emptying it of everything she felt for Horatio. In the past two weeks she had held him off, avoided him, and fought with him. Last night's argument had been the worst, though. Just when she thought she was finally getting over him something happened and she was faced with even deeper emotions that had to be purged. Calleigh was sure that she had finally found the last of them, and today she was dealing with the emptiness that was left. When Valera asked her to lunch just after noon, Calleigh decided that some time outside in the sun was definitely in order. She checked out with Claudia at the reception desk and let her police escort know where it was they were going. She was tempted to check in with someone else, but she wasn't up to facing Horatio or Alexx, and the idea of asking Speed or Eric permission to go eat lunch was out of the question. She headed out the door with Valera, waving at Speed across the parking lot.  
  
That afternoon, Horatio headed down to the lab to check with Speed and Eric to see if they had heard back from the Louisiana department store that had contacted them about the robes. They had tracked a large catalogue order that had been shipped somewhere in the Miami area, but were checking their records to pull an exact name and address. When he got to the lab, Speed still hadn't heard anything. Horatio walked to the reception desk himself, asking about messages. Claudia looked at him strangely. She wasn't used to seeing the Lieutenant checking for messages. She fumbled with the stack in front of her. "I remember taking that call," she answered helpfully, still looking for the message and coming up empty. "Oh! I remember. I gave it to that new girl, Valera. She was picking up the mail and offered to take it to Speed herself. Horatio nodded and went to the DNA lab, but Valera was nowhere in sight. He went back to trace.  
  
"Have any of you seen Valera?" he asked. Eric looked up and shook his head. "No, haven't seen her."  
  
"She went to lunch with Calleigh," Speed said, looking up at the clock, "But that was over two hours ago."  
  
Horatio nodded, angry. This was too important for some newbie to screw up delivering a message. "Keep an eye out for her-she took your message. Until then, call the company back and get the address yourself. I'm looking for Calleigh." He needed to talk to her, to see if they could salvage something of their former relationship. He had thought quite a bit about his conversation with Alexx and decided that they were going to have to fix this together.  
  
He looked everywhere for Calleigh. The range, labs, he even went back to the autopsy theater but Alexx hadn't seen her since that morning. He tried calling her cell phone, but got voicemail. He went back to reception. "Have you seen Calleigh Duquesne?" he asked.  
  
Twice in one day.this has got to be the seventh sign of the Apocalypse Claudia thought to herself. "She for lunch with Valera and I haven't seen them since."  
  
Horatio felt a knot of worry begin to form in his stomach but didn't let his concern show. Calleigh didn't take long lunches. "Were you here the whole time?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," she answered, oblivious. "I took my break earlier. They haven't come though this way."  
  
Horatio took off for the trace lab, pulling his cell phone out and placing a call on the way. He had dispatch contact Calleigh's escort-she had gone into a restaurant two hours ago and hadn't come out yet. The officer had been waiting in the car-he went in to check while Horatio waited on the phone. He got to trace just as the officer came back on. "She's gone-the manager said he saw the two women going out the back over an hour ago. Ms. Duquesne looked sick-the other one was half-carrying her. They got into a car in the back. Horatio slammed the phone down on a table and swore.  
  
Speed and Eric ran over at Horatio's outburst. He looked up at them and said simply, "She's gone. The manager of the restaurant saw her being helped out by Valera to a car in the back. She was out of it. He's got her, and Valera has something to do with it." Horatio had to stop and gain control of his voice. His heart was beating so fast he felt lightheaded. She was gone, betrayed by someone she trusted, and now Calleigh was in danger. He was going to kill her unless they found him first. He looked up at Speed and Eric, both as shocked and upset as he was. "Here's what we're going to do. Speed, you stay here and get that address. As soon as you have it call me and Eric and I will meet you there. Eric, come with me- we're going to the restaurant."  
  
Speed nodded and Eric grabbed his sunglasses, running to keep up with Horatio as he went out to the parking lot. They got the restaurant inside of ten minutes. Horatio leapt out of the Hummer, going into the restaurant. A waiter directed him to the back door, where the manager was being interviewed by Calleigh's escort. He ripped off his sunglasses and slammed the cop up against the wall. "How could you let her out of your sight?" he demanded, pinning the kid to the wall with the fury in his eyes as well as his arm across his chest.  
  
Eric pulled Horatio off the cop before he could attack further. "Easy, H," he said, "Assaulting a police officer won't help Calleigh."  
  
Horatio nodded and backed off, putting his sunglasses back on to hide the fury in his eyes. He offered a curt apology to the stunned officer and turned to face the restaurant manager. "Tell me what happened and don't leave anything out."  
  
The manager nodded and started to talk, afraid of the man in front of him. "The two ladies came in around noon. They ordered and ate their food, nothing special. The blond lady didn't say much, just seemed to listen to the other one. Next thing I know, the blond lady keels over and her friend throws money down on the table, picks her up, and helps her to the back door. There was a car there, and a guy. They both put your friend in the car and headed off in that direction." He pointed north.  
  
Horatio turned his head, staring at the road behind the building as if he could will its destination into focus. "What kind of car?" he demanded  
  
"Uh.a black SUV. An Explorer I think."  
  
"License plate?"  
  
"Didn't really look, sorry."  
  
Horatio glared over his sunglasses at the man, who took a step back in defense. "That's not good enough. Was it a Florida plate or another state?"  
  
"Florida. That's all I know, man, I swear."  
  
Horatio turned around and headed into the back alleyway. Eric apologized quickly, then turned and followed Horatio. He saw Horatio beside the wall of the restaurant, picking up an empty pill bottle with a pen. "Eric, look at this," he said.  
  
Eric walked over to Horatio, looking at the container. "It's not dirty, so it hasn't been here long. You think someone used a drug to put Calleigh out?"  
  
"Not someone, Valera," Horatio said, spitting out the woman's name like it was some kind of curse. "I want you to grab that poor excuse for a cop in there and take this over to the lab. I want it fingerprinted and analyzed to see what it held. I also want you to pull that woman's file and tell me everything we have on her."  
  
Eric nodded, taking the bottle from Horatio and putting it in an evidence bag. They hadn't seen it coming. Valera? Working with the killer? Well, it would sure explain a couple of things, like Calleigh's hair cut ideas and the switch in plan once the team had started closing in. Also, there was her knowledge of forensics to consider. But how had they missed the fact that their killer had an accomplice? It had never even entered into their minds! He was about to ask Horatio what he would be doing when his phone rang. "Horatio." He listened for a few minutes. "Good. Listen, get in touch with Miami PD. Tell them to put an APB out for a Black Ford Explorer with Florida plates.I know how many there could be in this city and I don't care if they have to impound every last one of them. Calleigh's abductors are driving one and I don't want them getting her outside the city!" Horatio hung up. "Speed's got an address. Go to the lab and get me some information." Eric nodded and walked back indoors, watching Horatio head for the hummer.  
  
Horatio wasn't surprised when he arrived at the address Speed had given to discover that he was less than a mile from Calleigh's place. They had probably been watching her for some time. He met Speed outside and they went in together, the police having already checked the building for occupants. The walked into an area that was designed to be absolutely sterile. There were plastic drapes everywhere, cordoning off different areas of the rented space to allow for a maximum degree of cleanliness. There was an entire area dedicated to wigs, dozens of them spread out and separated by plastic sheets to avoid cross-contamination. Another area held the robes, each hanging in a separate plastic garment bag. The most disturbing area was where Horatio knew the murders took place. A stainless steel table was empty, a horse bridle hanging from one end and weights stacked in a row along the side. A large metal platter rested on the table, large enough to stretch across the body of the victims that had been brought here. Nearby was a table that contained various bottles of chemicals, brushes, and supplies that were used in cleaning the bodies. Along one wall there were several bulletin boards set up in a twisted parody of their own command center. There were maps of the immediate area, tacks showing the location of every beauty salon in the area. Extensive notes gave details about the best locations, security cameras, pedestrian traffic and hours of operation of surrounding businesses. Another board listed every minute detail of Calleigh's life with routine schedules, phone numbers, even a diary of what she wore on a given day. They had documented where she shopped, who she talked to, where she spent every last moment of her time. Horatio felt his heart clench as he saw a picture of Calleigh, her face completely innocent, as she smiled at a child that was walking in front of her. A small bouquet of blue irises sat on the table, the only remaining clue that someone had been there. Looking around the room, Horatio knew that nothing useful would be found here. The place was too cold, too methodical. This is where their precise serial killer worked. The fate they were planning for Calleigh was personal, not detached. They might have planned from here, but their obsession would lead them to find a more personal location to conclude their sick plan. He left Speed at the warehouse with several others to process the scene, but Horatio headed back outside, dialing Eric as he approached his car. "You got an address for me? Good, meet me there." Horatio leaned against the door for a moment, tasting fear in his mouth. What if he didn't find her in time? The image of Calleigh smiling flashed before his eyes. He couldn't bear to think about what his life would be like if she were no longer in it, if he failed her when she needed him the most. Her words from the previous night haunted him. "You were my rock and suddenly you were unavailable.You hurt me Horatio.You lost me weeks ago, you just didn't care enough to see it." Horatio fought tears back. He wouldn't let those be the last words she ever said to him.  
  
Calleigh began to come awake and found herself in the back of an SUV as it drove swiftly down the road. Her hands and feet were bound, not that she could have done much-her head was killing her. The last thing she remembered was sitting with Valera in the restaurant and feeling sick. She attempted to clear the cobwebs from her mind as the car came to a stop and she heard two doors close. She was hauled out of the car by her feat, falling to the ground in a heap. She heard a laugh that chilled her to the soul. She looked up into the empty eyes of the man she knew was Trevor Wilson. He smiled. "Glad to see you've decided to join us," he said, laughing at her fear. She saw Valera come to stand beside him, cruelty in her eyes and a look of cold triumph on her face. She looked like a different person. Behind them she could see a small, dirty cabin with nothing around it except miles of swamps. Trevor prodded her with his foot to regain her attention. "We've been preparing this place a long time," he said. "Allow us to extend our hospitality to you." 


	13. Chapter 13: Possession

Cauchemar Part 13: Possession By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
Horatio didn't wait for anyone else to arrive at Valera's apartment. He kicked the door in and immediately began searching for clues as to where they might have taken Calleigh. He was in the back bedroom sorting though pictures when Eric arrived and began asking for him. "Back here!" he called out.  
  
Eric approached the back room, half-afraid that he would find Horatio tearing through Valera's belongings like some kind of crazed animal. Stepping into the room, he chastised himself for doubting Horatio. Even under tremendous stress, the man was methodical. Everything looked undisturbed and as Eric watched, Horatio replaced yet another picture on the dresser, lining up the frame to match the dust pattern underneath. "Looks like obsessive cleanliness didn't translate over into real life, does it H?" he commented, hoping to get some kind of positive response. He got nothing. Shaking his head, he continued. "I pulled Valera's file and tried to get some more information on her, but couldn't track her before she started college. I found out more, though, when I processed the pill bottle you found. There was Butalbital residue on the inside that would knock someone unconscious given the correct dosage. On the outside, I found a print. It belongs to an Erica Wilson. I called up to Louisiana- she's Trevor Wilson's sister. They're looking for a picture to fax down to us."  
  
"Good work," Horatio responded, not interrupting his search of the bedroom. "Go ahead and start looking around. I saw a stack of papers in the living room, you can start there. See if you can find anything that might give us a clue to where they took Calleigh." Eric nodded. Horatio was going to be unstoppable until Calleigh was out of harm's way. He started sorting through the papers, looking for ink marks, separating out anything that looked like classifieds.  
  
Horatio continued his search of Valera's bedroom, fighting the revulsion he felt that someone in CSI would betray them. She had blended right in; a young girl straight out of college, learning practical applications of her study. Calleigh had even gone so far as to take the little traitor under her tutelage, helping Valera to expand her knowledge. Or that's what they had thought. She had been lying to them the whole time, manipulating her way into their trust so that she could use them to keep track of the investigation. Calleigh had trusted her enough that she went willingly with her abductor to lunch! Valera was a spy and an accomplice, and Horatio was going to receive a great deal of pleasure when he put her in a prison cell. He opened the bedside table drawer and saw another picture frame turned upside-down inside. Removing it, he turned it over and looked at the faces, surprised when he recognized more than one. It was a family photo, he realized. He could pick out a much younger version of Valera standing with an older man and woman. She had her arm around the waist of a young man, blond hair, blue eyes, classic features. His face was the one Horatio remembered from the file he had been looking at since that morning. Trevor Wilson. Eric's information was correct. He was her brother. Behind them was a beautiful house set on the side of a lake. Their smiles mocked Horatio as he continued his search, looking for anything that would lead him to Calleigh.  
  
After hours of searching for clues, Eric convinced Horatio to go home and get some sleep. The man had been going full out even before he had first discovered Calleigh's disappearance. He had to stop before he ran himself into the ground. Horatio finally left, calling Speed and asking him to do some internet searching for property that was near the Everglades. He kept thinking that the Wilsons would want to create some kind of familiar scene, and the closest thing Miami had to Louisiana swampland was the Everglades. Horatio drove to Calleigh's apartment without thinking about it, realizing where he had gone only once he was standing in her living room. They had been here together only last night, arguing. Now she was missing and Horatio was helpless to find her. They were methodical, her abductors, and every step had been planned out so that they would be able to grab Calleigh and move to their new location as soon as the team started to close in on the truth. Valera, Erica, whatever her name was, had positioned herself perfectly to keep an eye and ear on the investigation and to have unrestricted access to Calleigh. He knew that with that degree of planning, they would be ready to kill Calleigh with a very limited amount of preparation time. He had to find her soon.  
  
Horatio wandered through the apartment, touching photographs and searching the very atmosphere for traces of Calleigh's perfume. He needed to feel close to her right now. His conversation with Alexx replayed in his mind. She was right: Calleigh was more than just a friend to him, why hadn't he ever seen that before? Until she had pulled away from him, Horatio had never realized how much of himself he had entrusted to her keeping. She had become a part of his very being, and the thought of someone taking her away from him was tearing him up inside. He felt hot tears sting his eyes and this time, he couldn't fight them back. He sat down on her couch and dropped his head into his hands, momentarily letting his fear have full reign. His very heart cried out. Where are you, Calleigh?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Calleigh woke up and the first thing she noticed was the early morning sun shining in through the boarded-up windows of a small cabin. She looked around and noticed that Trevor and Valera were still sleeping. They had brought her in last night, tying her to a chair and going to bed. They hadn't spoken to her since their arrival the night before, all but ignoring her as they bound her in place. Now would be a good time to try an escape. The thought left her mind as soon as she looked down at her restraints, now visible in the morning light. She was tied to the chair with climbing rope, strong enough to resist her attempts to get free and flexible enough not to allow any give in the knots that had been tied. Her efforts to free herself woke he captors, who greeted the day with sickening cheerfulness. Once again, they didn't speak to Calleigh. Instead, they went about cooking breakfast and eating as though it were a formal brunch. It was like watching the mad tea party from Alice In Wonderland, Calleigh decided. There was no way anyone here was playing with a full deck of cards. After the table had been cleared, Valera and Trevor seemed to notice Calleigh for the first time. "Good Morning to you!" Valera gushed. "Isn't this exciting? All our planning, all the time we spent perfecting our plan and here you are!  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Calleigh asked. "I trusted you! I thought you were my friend!"  
  
"That was the plan," Valera answered, a satisfied smirk appearing again on her face. "I was too young for you to notice back in Darnell, we never went to school together. In fact, you probably had no idea that I even existed, so there was no way that you would have been able to recognize me. Allow me to introduce myself. Erica Wilson, Trevor's sister." She laughed at the look of shock on Calleigh's face. "Just sit tight, Calleigh. It shouldn't take long to put the finishing touches on everything here."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horatio woke up on the couch, surprised that he had fallen asleep. He wondered what woke him, then he heard his cell phone ringing. Pulling it out of his pocket, he raised a silent prayer that it was good news. "Horatio."  
  
"Where are you, H?" it was Speed.  
  
"Calleigh's apartment. What have you got?"  
  
"I got a hit on a cabin out by the Everglades. Abandoned for years, just leased out six months ago to a Wilson Trevors. Obvious alias. You'd think he would be more careful!"  
  
Horatio came fully awake, adrenaline prompting him through Calleigh's door and into his hummer. "Right now, I'll be glad if he wasn't. Are you sure it's them? We don't have enough time to go on a wild goose chase."  
  
"I'm sure," Speed answered. "We called over to the local Sheriff's office. Seems they got a call yesterday evening about a black Ford Explorer that was speeding in the area. We've got `em."  
  
"Good work," Horatio replied. "I'll be there in five minutes. Call Miami PD and the locals and get them to meet us there-far enough away that they won't hear us coming. Make sure they have paramedics on hand in case Calleigh's hurt. Then get Eric and meet me out front. Alexx too if she wants to be there for this.  
  
"You got it boss," Speed said, hanging up. Things were finally looking up. Now all they had to do was get there in time.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Calleigh glanced over into the far corner where Trevor appeared to be working on something. A stab of fear pierced Calleigh's heart as she realized what she was looking at: a table set up with restraints and a bridle, just large enough for a woman her size to lie on. A large metal plate stood next to the table and weights were spread all along the floor. This, or something like it was what they had used to kill the other women. She looked over at Erica, desperate to distract the woman and buy more time for someone to find her. She began asking questions. "Why are you doing all of this? What did I do to you?"  
  
Erica looked over at Calleigh with contempt. "It's because of you that Trevor had problems for so many years. If you had been a good little girl you would have treated him the respect that he deserved and accepted his advances instead of acting like some backwater slut and going out with some."  
  
"Stop right there." Calleigh interrupted. "I had nothing to do with your brother's "problems." He attacked me, remember?"  
  
"Only after you provoked him! Because of you I had to live without my big brother for years! There was no one to take care of me! Mom and Dad were so wrapped up in caring for Trevor that they never even looked at me! He's the only one who loved me. He sent me letters every week. He was my hero, and you took him away from me! Even when he got out, what you did haunted us. He couldn't get a job with his record-a mental institution? Conviction of a hate crime? He was an outcast and it was all your fault!" Erica calmed herself, her voice taking on the light tone she had just after breakfast. "Well, it doesn't matter now. Your Cauchemar are here to teach you a lesson, Calleigh Duquesne. Those other women were warnings, omens of what was to come, if you will. But it's your turn now."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horatio and the team sped up the road, trying to get to the cabin in record time. No one even dared to talk to Horatio, who was driving with a focus that forbade any interruption. Eric checked his watch. The local police and a paramedics unit were meeting them at a picnic area five miles from the cabin; they were waiting only for Horatio and the SWAT team directly behind them he had managed to get together. Horatio sat silent behind the wheel, his eyes never leaving the road. Don't let it be too late he chanted to himself. He checked his watch again. 30 minutes to go.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Calleigh fought to keep her composure as Trevor and Erica dragged her over to the machine he had finished. Calleigh struggled, but they managed to strap her down securely to the table. "I don't understand!" she cried out. "Before, you chloroformed your victims. They were unconscious. Why are you doing this?"  
  
Trevor laughed at her distress. "We didn't care about them. We were just biding our time until we could get you here. Your death will be different because that's the way we planned it. We want to watch you fight to breathe. We want to see the pain in your eyes and witness the moment when you realize that you are going to die. It wouldn't be any fun if you were unconscious."  
  
Calleigh still struggled as Trevor reached for the plate and settled it over her chest. She searched her brain, trying to come up with something that would buy her more time. "But the Cauchemar always come at night when you're asleep," she said, an idea blossoming. "Shouldn't you wait until night?"  
  
Trevor slid the plate in place and began adding weights. "Put the bit in, Erica," he ordered. "I've heard enough of her voice. As for your question, my little wildflower," he said, leaning over Calleigh. "I've waited long enough. You can just think of this as your waking nightmare."  
  
Erica shoved the bit into Calleigh's mouth and secured to bridle to make sure she couldn't move her head. Calleigh tried to control her breathing as Trevor added weights, fighting the pressure that was building and taking controlled breaths. Valera laughed at her attempts to fight the weights. "Don't worry, Calleigh," she said. "It usually only took between twenty to thirty minutes for the others to die. You shouldn't try so hard. The harder you fight, the longer you prolong the inevitable."  
  
Calleigh struggled anyway, refusing to give in to her would-be killers without a fight. She called to mind everything she had worth fighting for. She had a life-a good one, with friends, family, and a career she enjoyed. She continued breathing, fighting against the weight that kept growing, pressing against her lungs and making it harder and harder to inhale oxygen. Those reasons weren't good enough. Calleigh thought of Horatio, and felt her heart constrict with the thought that she had left him with angry words between them. She thought again to what she had told Alexx. She thought that she had driven out all her feelings about Horatio, but she had only been lying to herself. He was too deeply entrenched in her heart and soul to just cut him out at will. She needed him as much as she ever had. Calleigh redoubled her efforts to breathe. Horatio was worth living for, worth fighting for. And he was coming for her, she knew it. She just needed to keep fighting until he got here. Ignoring the blackness that was beginning to cloud her vision, Calleigh remained focused on one thing- Horatio.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At that moment, Horatio was coming up the driveway of the cabin with the SWAT team. He was determined to be with the first officers through the door and once the leader had looked into Horatio's eyes, there had been no argument. They crept silently towards the cabin, making sure they made no sound that would alert the people inside to their presence.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Calleigh was struggling to hold on to consciousness. She felt tears escape as she realized that she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. Erica and Trevor sensed her desperation and leaned in to watch her final moments, glad to see their plan nearly complete. The last thing Calleigh heard before she blacked out was the sound of their laughter.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The front door burst open and immediately there were three people in the cabin with them. Before Erica and Trevor even realized what had happened, they were on the floor being handcuffed. Horatio raced to Calleigh's side, shoving the metal plate off of her and searching for any sign that she was still breathing. His heart silently screamed denials as he felt for a pulse. Her lips were tinged with blue, but he could feel a faint pulse and saw her take a shallow breath. He worked on the restraints that held her to the table, calling for the paramedics. "Open your eyes," he begged her. "Come on, you're safe now. I need you to come back to me. Please, just open your eyes and come back to me." He got no response. Pulling the bit out of her mouth, Horatio picked up her limp body and carried her outside, seeing the ambulance pull up along with the hummer. He raced to the back of the ambulance, not letting the paramedics get out as he passed Calleigh's still body up to them. "She had a faint pulse and was breathing when I found her." He didn't even notice the others run over to stand next to him.  
  
The paramedics nodded at him and began examining Calleigh. Suddenly, one of the men called out, "I've lost a pulse. Start CPR!"  
  
Horatio stood on the ground, feeling his own heart stop at the announcement. He was helpless to do anything but watch as they worked to bring her back. The driver ran around to close the back doors as Horatio saw another man begin compressions on Calleigh's chest, weight now being applied in an attempt to bring life into her body instead of pressing it out. 


	14. Chapter 14: Exorcism

Cauchemar Part 14: Exorcism By koaladeb Disclaimer info in part 1  
  
Horatio stood in the driveway of the cabin, staring after the ambulance. He couldn't move. He just kept staring at the dust, wondering what he should have done-how he could have gotten there faster, how he could have let this happen to her. He felt Alexx pull on his arm and snapped back to reality. "Come on," she was saying. "We have to follow. Give me the keys."  
  
Horatio handed them over without thinking. He was in no shape to drive. Guilt and fear were eating him up inside. He was breathing in short gasps and when he looked down at his hands, they were shaking. I can't lose her now, he kept thinking, not when I've just found her. They pulled up at the hospital and Horatio ran up to the Emergency Room entrance with the others. "We're here for Calleigh Duquesne" he said quickly. "Can you tell us anything about her condition?"  
  
The desk worker looked at the man in front of her. He was fighting to remain in control, but there was terror in his countenance. She looked through some records. "She was just brought in a few minutes ago. They're working on her right now. That's all I have."  
  
Horatio dragged his hands through his hair. "Can you tell me if she was breathing? She stopped breathing when they left. I jut need to know if they got her back." He was desperate for any piece of information that would give him a link to Calleigh.  
  
"She was." The worker said. "I remember when they wheeled her in. I think they had her stabilized."  
  
Horatio let out the breath he was holding. She had been stable. That was good. He nodded his thanks and joined Alexx, Eric, and Speed in the waiting area. He gave a wobbly smile and reported his findings. "She was breathing when they brought her in. They're working on her."  
  
Alexx came over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "It's going to be ok," she whispered. "She's going to make it."  
  
Horatio hugged her back fiercely. "I can't lose her Alexx. Not now."  
  
Alexx just stood with him for a minute, then led him over to a couch. They had some waiting to do.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
When the doctor finally came in, everybody jumped up. He was met with a chorus of "Is she ok?" He looked down at the chart he had with him. "She's stable at the moment, but we're listing her in critical to serious condition. We're moving her up to ICU."  
  
Horatio tensed. "What's wrong? I thought they said that she was stable when they brought her in?"  
  
The doctor looked at the worried people in front of him and wished that he could ease their fears more. "Ms. Duquesne's body underwent a huge trauma. She was stable when she got here, but she crashed two more times when we were examining her. The process of breathing was putting too much of a strain on her system, so we were forced to put her on a respirator. In order to keep her from fighting it, we had to sedate her."  
  
Alexx reached for Horatio's hand. "It's not uncommon, Horatio," she said, seeing him start to shake again. "It doesn't mean anything. Her body just needs time to get over the shock."  
  
The doctor nodded his thanks. "I expect that we'll be able to begin weaning her off the respirator sometime tomorrow. For now, you can all see her-one at a time, and only for a few minutes."  
  
"I'd like to stay with her, Please," Horatio said, quietly but firmly. "I don't want her to be alone."  
  
The doctor was about to argue but as he looked at Horatio, he couldn't say no to the raw emotion in the man's eyes. He merely nodded. "I'll talk to the staff."  
  
Everyone moved to follow the doctor. When they got up to the ICU, Horatio motioned for someone else to go in first. "I'm staying here, I'll go in last. Someone go ahead."  
  
Alexx motioned that either Eric or Speed should go ahead. She was worried about Horatio. Eric went in and Speed walked a few feet down the hall, giving her some privacy to talk to Horatio. "You going to be ok?" she asked him.  
  
Horatio nodded curtly. "I'll have to be. For her." He said, nodding towards the hospital ward. "I can't help but think if we had gone through the door five minutes sooner."  
  
"You couldn't have known." Alexx said firmly. She forced Horatio to look at her. "When you got to her doesn't matter. You found her, and you got to her before they could kill her. The details don't matter."  
  
Horatio wished that he could believe her, but he wouldn't be able to get rid of the doubts and the guilt until Calleigh was out of danger. He nodded, letting Alexx know that he had heard her. He waited with her quietly while Eric and Speed switched places. When it was Alexx's turn, he nudged her. "Tell her I'll be with her in a few minutes, ok?"  
  
Alexx smiled softly at him. "I'll tell her." She went into the ward. Calleigh looked like she was sleeping apart from the machines that were hooked up to her. The staff had managed to put her in a far corner, where she wouldn't be in the middle of all the medical traffic that seemed to be in the area. She took the one of Calleigh's hands in her own and reached up to smooth her hair back from her face. "You're going to be ok," she promised her. "You're safe now and nothing is going to hurt you. You've just got to sleep for a little while until you're ready to breathe on your own again. It won't be long, I promise. Horatio's waiting to come in, so I won't stay here long. But if you can hear me, listen up. That man is going crazy with worry. So get better fast and ease his burden a little, ok? I know that you were afraid, but all you have to do is look him in the eyes and I know that you'll see that your heart is safe with him." Alexx bent down and kissed Calleigh's forehead. "Sleep now, baby. I'll be back tomorrow." She squeezed Calleigh's hand and walked out. "Go ahead, Horatio." She said. "We'll take your car tonight but I'll bring it back with me tomorrow morning, ok?"  
  
Horatio nodded absently, not focusing on anything other than the doors that led to Calleigh. "Go ahead," he said, glancing at her. "I'll see you tomorrow." He watched them start down the hallway, then turned back to the doors. Taking a deep breath, he walked though.  
  
He found Calleigh in her corner. The scene in front of him was a mixture of peace and horror. She was safe and sound and away from people who wanted her dead, but she was attached to machines that monitored her heart and pumped air into her lungs. He found a stool and dragged it to the side of her bed that wasn't covered in wires and tubes, taking one of her delicate hands and sandwiching it in his own. He sat there for a moment, just feeling her hand in his, looking at her face. Her eyes were closed and her hair was resting along side of her face, glowing in the soft light of the ward. Watching her rest like this would have been beautiful if it weren't for the tube taped to her mouth and the bruises he could see on her cheeks under the tape. He fought back anger at what had been done to her and guilt for not reaching her in time. He reached up with one of his hands and traced the outline of her face. "I'm so sorry," he finally whispered. "I should have gotten to you sooner. I should have done so many things." He looked back at her hand in his. "I know that this isn't the right time for this, and that I'm going to have to say this again when you're awake, but I need to say it. I was wrong to walk away from what we had to chase after something I thought I wanted. I had a long talk with Alexx the other day and she made me realize some things. I took what we had for granted, thinking that it was just some quirky part of our friendship. We were never just friends; there was always something more between us. You light up the dark places in my heart and soothe the wounds in my soul. Please come back to me. Give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me."  
  
He sat with her through the night, talking, begging, sometimes just sitting in silence. He knew that she wouldn't wake up because of the drugs; he just didn't want her to be alone. He never let go of her hand.  
  
When the doctor came to check on her early the next morning, Calleigh's vital signs were looking a lot better. He told Horatio that they would begin the slow process of weaning her off the machine, checking to see how her body handled more and more responsibility. Alexx came in around ten, sending Horatio home to eat, sleep, and change. She let him know that someone would be with Calleigh at all times, and he was not to return before 5:00 that evening. He reluctantly obeyed, feeling the strain after two nights with little to no sleep. When he returned that evening, Eric was with Calleigh. The younger man met him in the hallway, filling him in on the day's events. Calleigh was still on the respirator, but she was breathing in room air on demand. The machine was allowing Calleigh herself to trigger when she needed to inhale and exhale, but the work of getting air to the lungs was still under the machine's control. The doctors had been pleased with her progress, and were slowly bringing her out of her sedated state. When she was fully awake, they would see about pulling the tube out. Horatio patted Eric on the arm and thanked him before going in to see Calleigh.  
  
Horatio was at her side in no time, frowning when he noticed that the staff had restrained her hands in anticipation of her waking up. He understood that a normal reaction would be to attempt to pull the tube out, but he didn't like the necessity of binding her arms to the hospital bed. He sat down on the same stool he had found last night and released one arm, holding her hand in his own. "Hey there, beautiful," he said to her. "Sounds like you're going to be waking up soon. I'm going to be right here when you do." He waited with her, talking to her about everything and nothing, waiting for any sign that she was waking up. After a few hours, she began to move around. He called for the nurse, standing up and reaching to stroke her face. "It's ok," he kept repeating. "Don't be afraid, I'm right here." He saw her become more and more aware. Joy filled him as he realized that she was working her way back to him. Finally, her eyes opened and she looked about in confusion and fear. Horatio wasn't a medical expert, but he could tell from the sounds the monitors were making that Calleigh was not reacting well. She started to move around more fiercely, struggling to reach up toward her head. Horatio held her hand firmly. He looked around for help and saw the doctor heading for them. He looked down again at Calleigh. "It's ok, look at me," he said. Her eyes swung up to meet his, filled with panic. "There's a tube in your throat but you're in control. The doctor is coming, just try to breathe and relax." Calleigh stopped her thrashing.  
  
As he was speaking, the doctor came to stand beside him. "Good morning, Calleigh," he said. "I'm going to get this tube out of you, but you need to listen to me for a moment. I'm going to count to three and then pull. I need you to try to cough when I pull the tube out. Ready? One.two.three.now!"  
  
When Calleigh had first started to wake up, she thought she was still in the middle of a nightmare. She was in pain, she was disoriented, she couldn't move her arms, and she couldn't breathe. Slowly, as she became more aware of her surroundings, she fought against the panic that was threatening to overwhelm her. The only thing that kept her from trying to jump up and flee was the sound of Horatio's voice, and she realized that one of her hands was being tightly held by his. She clutched at his hand and latched onto the sound of his voice, not even paying attention to the words he was saying until she heard him ask her to look at him. She looked up into his eyes. They were the most beautiful things she had ever seen. They were intense, but not filled with anger or caught up in solving a puzzle. They were full of joy, and they were aimed directly at her. She focused on him, taking of his strength and calming her racing heart. She listened to the doctor and followed his instructions. Coughing and gagging, she gulped for air, sitting up in the bed.  
  
Horatio instantly supported her, rubbing her back and encouraging her. "It's ok." He said, his own words choked with relief. "Don't worry about talking. Just breathe." He helped her lay back again and left for a minute to grab some water for her. In reality, he didn't want her to see the tears that had formed when he realized that she was really back.  
  
The doctor stayed for a few minutes checking the readings on Calleigh's monitor and nodding his approval. "Seems you're doing just fine," he said as Horatio came back with a cup and straw. "Your oxygen stats look good. In fact, given the nature of your case, I think we can safely assume you're going to be as right as rain. We'll be moving you out of here immediately. I'll be checking on you off and on but you seem to be in good hands here. If you keep this up, you'll be back home in no time."  
  
"Thanks," Calleigh rasped. Her throat was sore from the tube, but she didn't want the doctor to go away without her saying anything. Horatio pushed the water at her.  
  
The doctor smiled and continued his rounds. He wasn't kidding. Calleigh was being taken care of just fine.  
  
Calleigh swiped at Horatio's hand, pushing the water away. "I'm fine," she said, her voice stronger but still gravelly.  
  
"Like hell you are," Horatio shot back. "You just got pulled off a respirator. You spent the last day and a half on it. You scared me to death."  
  
Calleigh was taken aback. She had no idea how long she had been unconscious. She saw a haunted look shadow Horatio's eyes. She grew serious. "I didn't know." she whispered, accepting some of the water then reaching for his hand. She stared at their intertwined fingers and marveled at how right it felt to have her hand in hers. Their moment was interrupted by the nurse.  
  
"Excuse me," she said, "But the doctor said that you could be moved to a room." Horatio jumped up, ready to be of assistance, but didn't let go of Calleigh's hand. "What can I do?" he asked.  
  
"Right now, the best thing you can do is to give us some space to get her moved," the nurse replied, a regretful tone in her voice. She hated to separate the two, but having an extra person hovering around while they got Calleigh ready to move would be problematic. "You can see her again as soon as she gets settled. It should only take about an hour. Room 304."  
  
Horatio hesitated. He didn't want to be in the way, but he didn't want to spend another minute away from Calleigh now that she was awake. The nurse understood his reluctance to leave and leaned over to him. "You could get her some flowers," she said softly. "And let her other friends know she's ok." She backed off, giving them privacy to say goodbye.  
  
Horatio nodded. He looked down at Calleigh, who seemed to dislike the notion of him leaving as much as he did. He smiled at her. "I'm going to be waiting for you in your new room," he said. "Right now I need to call everyone and let them know that you're awake and where you're going. Don't want them to come here looking for you only to find you've disappeared on them, that is, if you're ready to have visitors."  
  
Calleigh nodded. "Tell them I'd love to have visitors now that I'm awake," she said. She looked around to make sure the nurse wasn't within earshot. "And see if anyone can smuggle me in some ice cream. I'm hungry."  
  
Horatio laughed, overjoyed to see her making jokes. "We'll see," he said. "Your doctors might have something to say in the matter." Calleigh leaned back in the bed and huffed, a small pout on her lips. Horatio couldn't resist. He leaned over and kissed her forehead then rested his own against it. "I'll be right back," he breathed into her ear. With a final squeeze of her hand, he walked out, turning to look at her before going through the doors. She was looking straight at him, a small smile on her face and stars in her eyes. Horatio felt his heart expand with joy and contentment. He had his Calleigh back.  
  
~~~~  
  
Horatio, as promised, was waiting for Calleigh when she was wheeled into her new room and hour later. He helped her up onto the bed and fluffed her pillows before while the nurse hooked up the monitoring equipment. When everything was settled, he sat on the edge of the bed near Calleigh's waist and took her hand in his again. "Careful, tiger," she teased, "or I'll let everyone know you're as sweet as a tabby cat."  
  
Horatio made a displeased sound, though the smile on his face worked against him. "You do that and I'll confiscate the ice cream Eric's bringing."  
  
Calleigh gasped in mock horror. "You wouldn't!" She laughed at their easy banter. "When is he getting here?"  
  
"I expected him ten minutes ago, but he was swinging by the store on the way, so any minute now. Alexx and Speed should be getting here soon too." Horatio looked down and played with Calleigh's hand, turning it over and tracing the lines of her palm. "Then again, Alexx said that they kept getting mobbed with questions about you. It seems you're kind of popular." He met her eyes again and smiled.  
  
Eric chose that moment to make his entrance. "Glad to see you're awake!" he said to Calleigh, coming over to her and giving her a hug before dropping a shopping bag on her lap.  
  
Calleigh jumped, the cold weight on her leg startling her. "Goodness gracious, Eric!" she cried out. "Give a girl some warning next time!"  
  
Eric laughed. "Does this mean that you don't want any chocolate fudge brownie?" he asked, laughing as Calleigh swiped at his hand for the spoon he was teasing her with. "I didn't think so." He said as he watched Calleigh dig in to the carton.  
  
Alexx and Speed appeared in the doorway. "Hey! Are you going to share any of that?" Speed asked. Calleigh looked up and beamed at her friends. There were rounds of hugs and laughter as everyone settled around Calleigh. The ice cream made its rounds as well, only lasting about fifteen minutes. Horatio never moved from his place at Calleigh's side, content to watch her smile and laugh freely. The last traces of worry eased out of him.  
  
After an hour of visiting, Calleigh began to feel tired, the sedatives not being completely out of her system. Seeing this, Alexx, Speed and Eric said their goodbyes, hugging Calleigh again and telling her how glad they were that she was safe and well. Horatio stayed behind, promising Alexx he wouldn't keep Calleigh up too much longer. He tossed out the remaining cups and spoons that were left from the impromptu party and turned down the lights in her room before helping Calleigh slide down to find a comfortable resting position. She groused at his mothering. "I can do this myself," she grumbled.  
  
"I like taking care of you," Horatio replied. "Humor me."  
  
Calleigh acquiesced, allowing him to tuck the blankets securely around her. "Thank you for staying with me." She said.  
  
Horatio settled next to her again, brushing hair back from her face. "There's no place I'd rather be right now than here with you," he said honestly.  
  
Calleigh smiled a little and caught Horatio's hand with her own. "Thank you for saving me, Horatio," she said quietly, bringing up her capture for the first time. She looked up at him with relief and gratitude. "I was so scared."  
  
Horatio clutched at her hand in his. He had been afraid too-for her and for himself thinking that he might lose her. "So was I," he admitted to her, "but there was no way I was going to let them take you away from me."  
  
Calleigh's need to be close to Horatio prompted her to sit up, pulling her hand from his and throwing both arms around him. She leaned into him and felt his arms come around her, one hand pressing her tightly to him and the other gently stroking her back. She began to cry silently, her shoulders shaking. Horatio continued to support her, whispering gently in her ear, letting her know that she was safe and that no one would harm her while he was there. Calleigh finally stopped, spent, leaning against Horatio's strong frame and resting her head in the crook of his neck. They sat there for a few moments in peaceful silence before Calleigh spoke again. "You found me," she whispered drowsily.  
  
Horatio helped Calleigh lay back down. She was fighting sleep, struggling to keep her eyes open. He tucked the blankets around her shoulders again and wiped the tear marks from her cheeks. "I'll always find you," he whispered. Calleigh smiled a little, losing the battle against sleep. Soon she was out completely. Horatio got up from the bed kissed Calleigh on the forehead before pulling a chair up next to her. He sat down, resting his arms on the bed, pulling one of her hands in his own, and rested his head where he could still watch her face. He continued to watch her until the steady sound of her breathing lulled him to sleep as well.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A few days later, Calleigh was released. Horatio took her to her apartment, settling her on the couch and calling for Chinese food. They ate in a companionable silence, neither one paying much attention to the move on the television. After their dinner, Horatio cleaned up the take-out cartons before steeling back on the couch, pulling Calleigh over to lean on him and placing his arms around her. He placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Welcome home," he said.  
  
Calleigh took a deep breath, closing her eyes and reveling for a moment how peaceful it felt to be with Horatio again. She was home, safely tucked away in his arms. She felt the pull of the connection between them and reveled in its renewed strength. She had rediscovered it in the hospital, and was still amazed at the care and tenderness Horatio had continually shown. Calleigh could hardly believe it. It was so different, being here with him like this, when only a few days ago they had stood in this very room and yelled at each other, ripping apart their friendship with both hands. Now, they were moving into a new realm of their relationship and they still hadn't talked about what had happened to them. Calleigh leaned away from him and looked up into his eyes. She didn't know what would happen now, the scars on her heart were still fresh but healing quickly. She had decided as soon as she woke up that it was time to stop letting her fear keep them apart, but she hadn't had the guts to bring up the subject with Horatio yet. She needed him to know how much he meant to her. "Horatio, there's something I need to tell you." she began.  
  
Horatio knew what was coming and stopped her, putting his thumb over her mouth, cradling her face in his hand. He moved his thumb, tracing her lips. "You don't have to say anything, Calleigh," he said softly. He had decided when she was still in the hospital that it would be best to wait a little while before they made any declarations. They needed some distance from recent events, and they still needed to talk about what had happened in the past couple months. Horatio wasn't expecting Calleigh to immediately let him all the way back into her heart, he had hurt her and she needed time to build up her trust in him again. "I understand, and I have some things to say to you, too. But we don't have to say them all tonight. We have all the time in the world."  
  
Calleigh nodded, wide eyed. The look in his eyes.he knew. He understood everything without her saying anything at all, just as she understood what he needed to tell her. She snuggled against him again, inhaling his cologne and listening to the beat of his heart. He was right. They didn't need to say anything in order to have this conversation. It was all there in how they looked at, no, into each other-their hearts were carrying on a conversation that didn't need to be voiced in order to be heard. Calleigh let out a contented sigh and burrowed further into Horatio's warmth. She felt his arms tighten even further around her. It was good to be home.  
  
A/N: Hope you all liked reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that there is an even happier epilogue to follow! And I know that Calleigh recovered awfully quickly, but as much as I love angst, I love happy endings better. ( 


	15. Epilogue: Dream Catcher

Dream Catcher (Cauchemar Epilogue) By koaladeb Disclaimer in Cauchemar part 1  
  
A/N: Just when I thought I had finished, this idea popped into my head and wouldn't let me go-it just begged to be included in this story as an epilogue. Follows two months after the conclusion of part 14.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Calleigh woke again, sweat running off her body and her breath coming in short gasps. She flung the cloying sheets off her body and jumped out of the bed. Still disoriented, she backed up until she smacked her head into the bedroom wall, then sank to her knees on the floor. Finally aware of where she was, Calleigh gulped in air, trying to soothe her burning lungs and clam her wildly beating heart. "Damn!" she gasped. This wasn't supposed to be happening. She was supposed to be ok.  
  
Calleigh tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry. She got up and poured herself a glass of water, noticing how her hands shook. She looked back towards the bedroom. There was no way that she would be getting any sleep there tonight. She followed a now familiar pattern to the living room, laying down on the couch and pulling a comforter around her. Calleigh tried to will away the images that lingered in the back of her eyelids and get back to sleep, focusing on another memory-Horatio on this couch, holding her tightly, welcoming her home. It didn't work. With a sigh, Calleigh sat up on the couch and reviewed everything that led her to this point.  
  
It had been two months since she had been kidnapped and almost killed. After being released from the hospital, she had followed the recommendations of many doctors and the quiet request of one Horatio Caine to take a couple of weeks off and process everything that happened. She had consulted a psychiatrist, talking over the ordeal and its after- effects; in fact, he had even commended her on her ability to accept and move past what had happened and approved her to return to work. That was a month and a half ago. Even Horatio had been forced to admit that she was fine.  
  
Calleigh smiled as she thought of Horatio. They had spent every minute together that they could spare, talking, eating, laughing, just spending time in each other's presence. Calleigh couldn't think of a time when she was happier or more content. The distance, both physical and emotional, that had been between them while Horatio was dating Yelina had long since disappeared. Calleigh had finally let go of the last of the anger and pain that period of time had sparked in her. They had talked, a little at a time, about what happened when she was taken and how her ordeal had affected both of them. Horatio had apologized for taking what they had for granted and Calleigh apologized for shutting him out. All was forgiven. In fact, Calleigh had even gone with Horatio to a "family night" at Yelina's house. Calleigh felt that Horatio had gone out of his way to demonstrate her importance in his life that night, both to her and to his family, and the evening had passed with great joy and little discomfort. But the best part of the last two months had taken place last week, when they had finally admitted to each other that they were in love.  
  
They had spent a quiet evening in Horatio's home. He was getting ready to go on a week-long consulting job, working with the Daytona Crime Lab in establishing newer facilities. Since they wanted to model their lab after the one in Miami, they had called on Horatio to come up and advise them on what needed to be done. It had been on his calendar for months, before everything with the Wilsons had happened. Snuggled together on his couch, Horatio had admitted that he didn't want to leave Calleigh, but she had assured him that even though she would miss him terribly, she could manage to go a week without seeing him.  
  
"After all," she had said to him, "I've had plenty of practice pining for you." The soft kiss she gave him had softened the reprimand, and he had merely pulled her tighter. They continued to lightly banter, trading soft comments and kisses. Calleigh was getting ready to pull away to leave when Horatio had pulled her tightly to him. Calleigh had looked into his eyes and was surprised to see a thin line of tears in them. She had been concerned, reaching up to stroke his face with her hand and asking what was wrong.  
  
"You may be able to get by," he had said, "but I don't know what I'm going to do without you with me. I almost lost you once, and I don't ever want to be apart from you." His eyes took on a serious look. "I love you, Calleigh," he said, letting go of her with one hand and bringing it up to her face, wiping away the tears that had sprung from her eyes at his declaration. "You are my heart," he continued, "when you're not with me I'm empty inside. What we have is forever, and when I get back I want to talk about making what we have permanent."  
  
Calleigh had been robbed of words. They had been dancing around the issue ever since she had come home from the hospital, focusing on repairing the damage they had done to each other in the previous months. Back then, it had been too soon, the wounds too fresh, to talk about love. Then, in the next month, they had focused on the moment, cherishing each new discovery they made about the other person, basking in the glow of finding home in each other. They were exploring their relationship, moving past friendship, but they had not yet used the word love, even though they both had felt it. When he said the words, Calleigh couldn't help the tears. She didn't think that she could be any happier, but Horatio, as always, managed to exceed her expectations. Still unable to articulate a reply, Calleigh had pulled his face to hers for a long, deep kiss. When they finally had pulled apart, Calleigh had taken a deep breath and matched Horatio's loving gaze. "I love you too," she had whispered, reaching for him again.  
  
She had stayed with Horatio that night as they found a new way to express their feelings for each other. She had never known a peace like the one she felt as she had slept in his arms. Even now, that sensation carried over to her turbulent present. Calleigh's heart was pulled between that peace and a longing for Horatio. She had lied when she said she would be ok without him. Their frequent phone calls weren't enough to satisfy the deep ache Calleigh felt when he wasn't there. And she hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since he had left.  
  
Calleigh's initial bout of nightmares (or dream flashbacks, as Calleigh thought of them) had started when she first was released from the hospital. They were frightening, but not horrific, and they always ended with Horatio bursting through the door and rescuing her. The issue had been addressed in the first couple of sessions with the psychiatrist. After talking about them with the good doctor and then again with Horatio, they had diminished and gone away rather quickly. But these new nightmares were different. They had started a week ago, the very night that Horatio had left for Daytona, and had come every night since, always the same. She was strapped to a table in a cabin, weight pressing down on her until she couldn't breathe. She couldn't call for help and all she could hear was laughing. Everything in the dream was a vivid recreation of her experience at the hands of Trevor and Erica Wilson, except it was even worse. The cabin was completely dark, and the people laughing were skeletons, dancing and laughing, holding out dead flowers to her. And then they would point, and Calleigh would see Horatio.dead, one arm reaching out for her. That's always when she woke up. She could deal with all of it except the last part. She had lived down the memories of the cabin and what happened there because she knew that she had survived, but she couldn't take the horror, fear and overwhelming loss that enveloped her when she saw Horatio's dead body in her dreams.  
  
Calleigh shook away the images and realized that the room was slowly becoming lighter as the sun came up. Some of the residual fear left as she remembered that Horatio was coming back today. She had taken the day off so that they could spend it together, making up for lost time. Looking at the clock, Calleigh realized that she needed to get ready to pick him up from the airport. Calleigh sprung up from the couch and started to get ready for the day, taking extra care with her appearance. She ran a brush through her freshly-dried hair, happy that she had never gotten around to cutting it. Horatio loved to run his fingers through her long hair, and Calleigh was once again satisfied to have her face framed by straight, blond locks. Calleigh tried to minimize the dark circles under her eyes, but knew that her attempt to disguise them would be futile. Horatio already knew that something was wrong, even though she had not yet told him about the nightmares. He heard it in her voice, in the desperation she couldn't hide when she called him every morning to see if he was ok. She had heard the concern in his voice often enough, and he had even offered to come back early, but Calleigh had told him to stay and finish. "I don't want you to have to go back there and leave again," she had said. Eventually, she had convinced him that she was just missing him, but she knew that she was going to have to confess everything as soon as he arrived.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horatio stepped off the plane and immediately began jogging towards the airport lobby. For the first time, he cursed the new airport security measures that prevented people from meeting their loved ones at the gate. As he rounded the last corner, his eyes began searching for Calleigh. He found her a heartbeat later and he immediately ran to her, pulling her into him and burying his head in her hair. "God, I missed you," he breathed, not willing to let her go. Calleigh's only response was to find his lips with hers.  
  
They stood there, locked together, until both required air. Still holding onto each other, Calleigh rested her head against Horatio's chest and listened to his heart beating while Horatio just held her, bringing one hand up to run it through her hair. They stood silently for a while longer, feeling whole for the first time in a week. When they finally pulled apart, Horatio took a good look at Calleigh. It was worse than he thought.  
  
After only one week, she was thinner than when he had left, and her skin had a slightly transparent look instead of the healthy glow that he was accustomed to. And her eyes-they were surrounded by dark circles that Horatio immediately recognized, even though she had tried to cover them up with makeup. His happiness at coming home was dampened with concern. "Tell me what's wrong," he insisted, pulling Calleigh closer once again.  
  
Calleigh leaned her head back so that she could look into Horatio's eyes. His presence alone had lifted the weight she had been carrying, his arms around her a physical reminder that he was safe, and home. She managed to smile a little. "I promise to tell you as soon as we get you home," she answered, shifting her eyes to take in the crowded airport before meeting Horatio's intense gaze again. "But just having you back here with me helps more than I can say."  
  
Horatio nodded, knowing that she was telling the truth. She may have tried to hide the severity of whatever it was that had been troubling her while he was away, but she would make no attempt to hide it from him in person. He picked up his carry-on with one hand and slung it over his shoulder, using his other arm to keep Calleigh close. "Well, let's go then," he said, not releasing the woman at his side.  
  
Calleigh molded herself to Horatio, resting her head on his shoulder, and walked with him to the luggage claim area. After they had grabbed Horatio's bag, they made their way to the Hummer Calleigh had driven that morning and went straight to Horatio's place.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As soon as they had walked in the door, Horatio dropped his bags and pulled Calleigh over to the couch. They had made small talk in the car, but both were biding their time until they could sit down and have a real conversation. Horatio sat Calleigh down on the couch and took his own seat on the coffee table so that he could face her directly. He held her hands in his and looked at her bowed head, waiting for her to begin.  
  
Calleigh didn't wait long. "I've been having trouble sleeping since you left," she said. She started to continue, and then halted, her head coming up and her eyes searching for something in his.  
  
Horatio tried to give her some reassurance. "I've been having trouble myself," he admitted with a comforting smile, "who was to know that after one night with you I wouldn't be able to sleep by myself anymore?" His comment had the desired effect as he saw a small smile ease some of the lines of Calleigh's face. "I gather that you were more than just missing me though, weren't you?"  
  
Calleigh nodded, dropping her gaze once more. She took a deep breath and began. "The night you left, I had a bad dream, a nightmare. I thought it was just some kind of reaction to your going away, but it came back the next night, and the night after that.every night since." She looked up for a moment when she felt the concern radiate off Horatio, and in his eyes she saw a hint of anger that she had kept this from him. She looked away again and continued. "I tried everything I could think of to make them go away. I even slept here one night, thinking that if I could feel closer to you they would go away. But it just made them worse."  
  
"What are you dreaming, Calleigh?" Horatio asked, shelving his anger in an effort to support her. He listened to the dream sequence, more disturbed by the fact that she was reliving her capture than by his deceased state, but understanding that his death in the dream was what impacted Calleigh the most. He felt a flash of anger again as he realized that Calleigh had purposely kept this from him, telling him to stay in Daytona while she faced this alone, even after he had offered to return. His voice was tight as he asked, "Did you talk to anyone about this?"  
  
Calleigh could tell that Horatio was upset, but she decided to finish her story before getting into a discussion over why she hadn't told him. She met his gaze again, and calmly answered. "Yes. I called the psychiatrist and met with him two days ago."  
  
Horatio nodded curtly, satisfied that she had at least sought some professional help. "And." he prompted.  
  
"He told me that I should talk to you about it," Calleigh confessed meekly. "He said that even though the dreams appear to be related to what happened to me, they really are being triggered by something else."  
  
Horatio couldn't hold back the anger and hurt he was feeling as he fired off his next questions. "And yet you waited until now to tell me about it. Why, Calleigh? You knew that I was worried and that I'd want you to tell me what was going on, but you kept it from me. You lied and told me that you were ok when you obviously weren't. Why did you shut me out again? Don't you know how much that hurts me?"  
  
Calleigh felt tears begin to streak down her face. "I know, Horatio. And I didn't tell you because I knew you'd drop everything and come to me," she admitted. "And even though I wanted to tell you and to have you come home and hold me, I just couldn't. I'm so sorry, Horatio. I didn't want you to have to abandon something important to hold my hand. I didn't want you to come back and then have to leave again to finish."  
  
Horatio felt his anger evaporate as soon as he saw the regret and pain in Calleigh's eyes, even before she had said a word. He left his seat on the table and sat beside Calleigh, pulling her into his embrace. He soothed her as she continued to cry, knowing that she needed to release whatever pent-up emotions were inside of her. "Shhh, it's okay," he said, "I'm not angry, I just wish you would have told me. We would have figured it out. You're the most important thing in the world to me. I would never leave you when you needed me."  
  
Calleigh nodded against his chest, leaning against him as she felt her tears stop. She sniffled a couple of times and then pulled back to look up at Horatio. She closed her eyes as he reached over to wipe the tear tracks from her face. They sat in silence for a moment as Calleigh calmed down and Horatio repositioned them so that Calleigh was leaning back against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around her. "So what did the psychiatrist say was behind these dreams of yours?" he asked.  
  
Calleigh ducked her head even though Horatio couldn't see her face. She had gone to the appointment thinking she had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or something, but her doctor didn't agree. In fact, when the psychiatrist had given her his explanation, she had thought he was crazy. She turned slightly and looked up at Horatio. "You," she replied. She saw Horatio's eyes flash with confusion and continued, words tumbling over one another as Calleigh tried to explain before he could jump to conclusions, barely stopping long enough to take a breath. "He said that they were caused by my fear of losing you. We had finally admitted that we loved each other and had moved our relationship to the next level and then right away you had to go on this trip, and I missed you so much I couldn't breathe. I knew that you were ok and that you were coming back to me, and it wasn't even this trip that scared me, it was just the idea of not having you with me that hijacked my subconscious."  
  
Horatio was silent. He hadn't wanted to leave Calleigh and go on the trip in the first place, and now it appeared that his going away had wreaked havoc on her in his absence. He held her tighter. "All you had to do was tell me and I would have been here," he said, this time without anger. "Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"Because I didn't believe him," Calleigh answered sheepishly, relieved that Horatio wasn't angry with her. "I thought it was PTSD, or something related to the Wilsons, not something having to do with your trip. I mean, when I was awake I was never afraid that you were in danger or that you weren't coming back. And in the light of day, I don't have any doubts or fears about what we have together. Why should I think that my dreams would reflect anything different?"  
  
Horatio smiled a little. Calleigh was feeling better; he could hear it in her voice. He turned her around and slid her onto his lap, locking his arms behind her and kissing the tip of her nose. "So what did the man recommend?" he asked.  
  
Calleigh smiled fully, finally being able to rejoice in Horatio's return. "Seems the cause and the cure are one in the same" she answered, playfully. "He said that some quality time with the man I loved would do the trick." Calleigh punctuated her reply with soft kisses along Horatio's jaw and neck. It had been a long and lonely week, after all.  
  
"He did, did he?" Horatio said, his voice dropping as Calleigh continued her actions, his own hands beginning to roam along her body. He pulled her back so that he could look at her face-her eyes were no longer clouded by the shadows of her nightmare, but instead were darkened by desire. He felt his own body respond and decided to take this conversation to a new location. "Well," he replied, picking her up and walking back to the bedroom, "I've always believed in following doctor's orders."  
  
Calleigh tried to laugh, but was stopped as Horatio's mouth came crashing down on her own. By the time he let her come up for air, they had reached his bedroom. He placed her gently on the bed and laid down next to her, running his hands through her hair and leaning in for another kiss. "Welcome home," Calleigh sighed before being carried away by the force of her love and passion.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After "becoming reacquainted," as Horatio had put it, Calleigh snuggled next to him and sighed with contentment. "Promise me that from now on I can come with you when you go away," Calleigh said, fighting the urge to fall asleep. She felt Horatio pull her closer in response.  
  
"I promise," he said, kissing Calleigh's forehead. "I never want to spend another night away from you for as long as I live." He felt Calleigh smile and he shifted so that he could look at her face. Her eyes were already closed, her breathing evening out. Pretty soon she would be out completely. He couldn't help smiling in return. "Get some sleep," he whispered, "I'm here to keep all the bad dreams away."  
  
Calleigh heard him and smiled, "Love you," she murmured.  
  
Horatio felt the last missing piece of his homecoming slide into place. He had planned on talking to Calleigh about the ring he had purchased for her in Daytona, but for now, he was content to watch her sleep. "Love you too," he said, then joined Calleigh in a restful slumber. 


End file.
